1943 Psychological Profile Reveals Hitler as Tormented

Which is funny, because I always imagined him to be quite jolly and well-adjusted, a guy who would surprise you with handpicked wildflowers for no reason at all.

Link to Cornell's site with the complete document, which was commissioned by the O.S.S. (precursor to the CIA) in 1943 in an attempt to predict the future behavior of Hitler.

From the NYT:

Dr. Murray diagnoses in Hitler neurosis, hysteria, paranoia, Oedipal tendencies, schizophrenia, "infinite self-abasement" and "syphilophobia," which he describes as a fear of contamination of the blood through contact with a woman.

Tits on a Boar

Top Ten Useless Limbs and Vestigial Organs.

Jean Teasdale Lives

Although there is no $200 bill in circulation, never mind one with George Bush's picture on it, the cashier at the Fashion Bug in Hempfield Township, Pa., accepted the bill for some clothes and handed the woman about $100 in change.

Life imitates the Onion.

What's next, Herb Kornfeld's Thug Life? (Dang. No link. Stupid premium Onion.)

And Beyond that Hill is Atlantis. And Jimmy Hoffa. And the Meaning of Life.

A 98-year old woman in Argentina has led scientists to a 70% complete, 30 foot long previously unknown species of dinosaur, which she had been aware of since she was a child.

As a young girl in 1922, Filomena Avila, now known as Dona Tica, assisted in an expedition of geologist Walter Shiller and paleontologist Santiago Roth. As the years passed, the scientific community had forgotten the exact location of the original dig.

Thanks for pointing the way to bonitasaura salgadoi, Dona Tica! Let us know if there are any huge piles of transitional species fossils lying around your hometown anywhere.

When Technology Rubs It In

As I seek to improve my blog:

You don't have permission to access /knowledge/ on this server.

Dinomania, Part Two: Preordovician Boogaloo

In related news, for the first time ever, a 70 million year old Tyrannosaurus Rex has been found in Montana with intact soft tissue, including blood vessels, from which proteins may be extracted and isolated.

From the New York Times article:

"Moreover, an examination with a scanning electron microscope showed the dinosaur's blood vessels to be "virtually indistinguishable" from those recovered from ostrich bones. The ostrich is today's largest bird, and many paleontologists think birds are living descendants of some dinosaurs."

(Also, can we make sure this information is kept from Michael Crichton?)

Octopuses Pretending to be Coconuts

The headline is enough to elicit the shivers: Octopuses Seen Walking From Predators.

And then, this:

"Octopuses, known for using camouflage to avoid predators, have been observed apparently trying to sneak away by walking on two arms while pretending to be a bunch of algae. "

They have the capacity to deceive. And they have eight arms with countless suction cups. Eeew.

In addition to pretending to be algae, they have also been spotted doing a coconut imitation.

Is there a word that means "horrified and delighted at the same time?" Probably in German.

If I could figure out how to upload pictures here, I'd be going photoshop crazy, and making some fab visual jokes about the inevitability of urban octopus adaptation. You know, "octopus as mailbox," "octopus as espresso machine," "octopus as Kia."

Did you know that "urban octopus" is a phrase used around the world to describe encroaching sprawl, sometimes with touchy political implications? Although the image of an octopus in a suit walking into a corporate plaza is mighty amusing.

It's Hanging on a Wall at the Louvre

Therefore it is art.

Except that it was smuggled in by a prankster.

If pranking is an art, this guy is a master.

And really, it's better than stealing art. Isn't it?

On a Related Note, Who Owns the Moon?

(Besides poets, lovers, dreamers, and astronomers, of course.)

Some people think they own the moon, and therefore can sell parcels of it to individuals, although the 1967 United Nations Outer Space Treaty says otherwise. (Some smartypantses argue that the treaty forbids nations, and not individuals, from owning lunar property - something I will dub the "green cheese" loophole.)

Bold entrepreneurs having been selling deeds to bits of the moon for some time now. I wonder what will happen when buyers realize that several companies have squared off and sold the same pieces to many people.

The Lunar Republic Society, based in New York City, will be happy to sell you some certified, legally authenticated moon property. However, so will the MoonShop, Planetary Investments, The Australian Lunar Realty Company, The Lunar Federation, Inc, and many others.

So if you're serious about owning a piece of the moon, don't be a moron, cover your bases (heh) and buy the same piece from each company. (Unless your very first purchase is written on goatskin. Then you're protected no matter what.)

Stonehenge? One of the Biggest Henges in the World? Mine.

A Peruvian family is claiming ownership of Machu Picchu. If they prove this, they hope to sell the land for profit.

Their lawyer says: "I have checked and the site has been private property since 1657," He explained that the family had inarguable proof - parchment documents wrapped in goatskin.

These claims are likely true because, as everyone knows, goatskin is made of goats. And goats don't lie.

Taken Aback By Office Supplies

While packing for my upcoming move, I'm glad to have a chance to sift through my accumulated material goods, and filter out the unneeded stuff.

One thing that surprised me was realizing that, in several places throughout my modest apartment, there were considerable stockpiles of paperclips, rubber bands, staples, and thumbtacks. Four or five boxes of each. My work requires very little office materials, if any, and I can't remember the last time I thumbtacked anything onto anything.

The evidence suggests that many times over the last few years I have found myself at an office supply store, presumably buying legitimately needed things, and was suddenly struck by a panic - do I have enough staples? What about those bendy paperclips? Do I have any giant gold paperclips? Look at all the different kinds of thumbtacks they have here! Big pink ones, small clear ones, some with longer prongs. I don't want to get home and realize I'm almost out of any of these crucial connective items. They hold the world together!

Note to self: It's a new era in communications. Look into this whole "paperless office" thing. The trees will appreciate it, and eight million paperclips will be spared their cruel fate. Might as well stock up on papyrus and tortoise shells, for pity's sake.

Punky Brewster is Knocked Up

Police are seeking Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges for questioning.

Titanium Lining

In the consideration of the scope of disasters like Indonesia's tsunami on December 26 of this year, it's oddly comforting to think about unexpected effects of such upheaval and rearrangement of elements.

The tsunami "brought India a macabre windfall: tons of titanium ore, worth untold millions of dollars, deposited along more than 300 miles of shoreline."

Also, the storm uncovered, briefly, the ruins of an ancient Indian temple. Said a local: ``My grandfathers said there was a port here once and a temple, but suddenly we could see it was real, we could see that something was out there.''

There's something profound to be gleaned from this, something about cycles of birth and rebirth, some parallel to the eternal process of creation and destruction in the universe, and the life cycle of stars. But for now it's just sad.

Erin Go Blargh

I'm a longtime fan of the "In Passing" website, wherein interesting overheard conversations and comments are blogged for digiternity.

Today's selection, from a similar site, (this one based in New York City) helps us celebrate the Reinforcin' O' the Stereotypes we like to call St. Paddy's Day. From "Overheard in New York":

Short guy: You owe me money.
Hefty guy: I don't owe you sh*t, Goldilocks! Don't make me f*cking slap you.
Short guy: I thought it was Erin Go Bragh, not Erin Go F*ck You Up.

--N train