Saturn Surprise: One Ring is Actually a Spiral

From Space.com. And can I just say, does anyone remember when this blog used to be called "Bella Rossa: More Questions Than Answers"? Because I think that was a total shout-out there below. God, I'm so cool.

"These strands, initially interpreted as concentric ring segments, are in fact connected and form a single one-arm trailing spiral winding at least three times around Saturn," Charnoz and colleagues write in the Nov. 25 issue of the journal Science.

Charnoz team made computer simulations to explore the spiral's origin. The new explanation raises more questions than it answers.

"The newly reported spiral is in a class by itself," says Mark Showalter, a SETI Institute researcher who wrote an analysis of the discovery for Science.

And it is changing rapidly. The spiral wound itself tighter between November 2004 and May 2005, the Cassini observations show. It will continue to tighten until the strands blend into a more uniform feature, Showalter said.

Jerry Garcia's Appliances to Be Auctioned

From the AP, an urgent newsbulletin for all you dirty hippies with deep pockets.

Jerry Garcia's dishwasher, toilets and other home appliances will be auctioned by a nonprofit group hoping to raise more than $100,000.

The items, which also include stereo cabinets, cupboards and a freezer, will be available for bidding on the online auction site eBay from Dec. 18 through Dec. 24.

Revenue will benefit the Sophia Foundation, a San Francisco Bay area nonprofit that aids children and families during marital separations and divorces, said the group's chairman, Henry Koltys.

"There's a lot of Deadheads out there with money, and they want a piece of Jerry somehow."

Molecule Gives Passionate Lovers Just One Year

From the BBC, who have an incredible knack for clinically removing the fun from everything:

Researchers said raised levels of a protein was linked to feelings of euphoria and dependence experienced at the start of a relationship.

But after studying people in long and short relationships and single people, they found the levels receded in time.

At Least Six Jokes Immediately Come To Mind

Okay, go with the obvious joke. It's been emphasized to make it a little easier on you. From Reuters:

Prostitutes as old as 70 continue to work in rural Australia, pushed out of the cities due to strong competition from younger and more attractive sex workers, the author of a study said on Tuesday.

Brothels are legal across most of Australia, but states have strict laws against soliciting and running brothels in residential areas, and near churches or schools.

The research, by John Scott of the University of New England, examined prostitution in rural areas of New South Wales state. He found the sex industry has flourished in rural towns, with many prostitutes making regular visits.

"I've likened some of them to traveling musicians, in that some of them might be based in metropolitan centers and they go out and travel -- they tour the bush," Scott told Reuters.

No One Claims Runaway Ostrich in Indiana

Isn't that always the way? I leave Indiana, and all the fun starts. Random unclaimed ostriches, for example.

The bird eluded officers in St. John for about two hours Friday before police managed to throw a net over it, The Times of Munster reported.

The bird was turned over to animal control officers. Police Chief Fred Frego said he believed it was the first time local police had captured an ostrich.

Frego said he had "no clue" where the bird came from.

"We don't have any missing ostrich reports," he said.

No Slutwear in the Office, Then?

From LiveScience. Is this why hookers never get promoted?

"A female manager whose appearance emphasized her sexiness elicited less positive emotions, more negative emotions, and perceptions of less competence on a subjective rating scale and less intelligence on an objective scale," the researchers write in the December issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly. "Although various media directed toward women …encourage women to emphasize their sex appeal, our results suggest that women in high status occupations may have to resist this siren call to obtain the respect of their co-workers."

"At first it was funny, but after several times I began to get very angry."

From the AP, a quote from Julie Andrews. I would kill for outtakes of her picking herself up off the majestic Untersberg after an aerial bitchslap, in her prim little nunny dirndl, cussing like Chris Rock. That would be better than the Star Wars Christmas Special.

"I will never forget it, there was a large helicopter coming towards me through the mountains with a brave cameraman hanging out the side," she said.

"We shot the scene many times, and at the end of each take, the helicopter would circle round. The downdraft nailed me flat onto the grass, and a couple of times I bit the dust. At first it was funny, but after several times I began to get very angry."

Thankgiving in Space

No matter how much your family may have driven you crazy over the holiday, at least you had gravity to assist you eating your non-dehydrated mashed potatoes.

ISS Expedition 12 commander Bill McArthur and flight engineer Valery Tokarev have set aside sealed packs of turkey, dehydrated vegetables and drinks for the traditional American holiday.

“I’m going to try to prepare, what for the McArthur family is a traditional Thanksgiving dinner,” McArthur said during a video message describing his upcoming holiday meal. “Did you know that mashed potatoes with onions could be dehydrated?”

Crying Virgins Strike Again

Just like the recent episode in Chicago, people looking for meaning and reassurance in pieces of toast and water stains on walls have turned their pious eyes to Sacramento, California, where (from the AP):

"the faithful have been coming in a steady stream to a church on the outskirts of Sacramento for a glimpse of what some are calling a miracle: A statue of the Virgin Mary they say has begun crying a substance that looks like blood.

"There's a big event in the future — earthquake, flood, a disease," Ky Truong said. "We're very sad."

"I think that it's incredible. It's a miracle. Why is she doing it? Is it something bothering her?" asked Maria Vasquez, 35, who drove with her parents and three children from Stockton, about 50 miles south of Sacramento.

I don't want to slag the Virgin. She was probably a pretty alright babe. I went to a school founded by some nice Franciscan ladies who were in inspired by the Virgin. I, myself, live a life that might, by some definitions, resemble that of a cloistered virgin (although one with high speed internet access, and more occupational freedoms).

But if she doesn't stop popping up on pancakes in Kansas City, tortillas in Mexico, and banks in Florida, I'm going to have to start taking her vistations a little less seriously. She's spreading herself too thin, and people don't know whether to simply visit, weep, and pray, or actually do something useful with their faith anymore.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Assorted siblings, cousins, and "misfits" and I will soon pile into the car for a few days of Hoosier home cooking and family bonding. I'm sure there will be enough tryptophan-binging, inappropriately competitive card games, unneccessary retreads of threadbare family stories, and emerging sibling rivalry issues to keep me from blogging for at least the next few days. But you never know. Happy Toikey Day!

...Just 'Cause I Wanna Be First To Say...

Nick and Jessica separated. Press release issued four minutes ago. Earth continues to rotate.

The best part of the press release:

"We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.”

Hey, Nick and Jessie? Remember a short while back, when you signed contracts inviting film crews into your home to broadcast every detail and interaction of your newlywed period all across the world, in the form of a television show called (appropriately) "Newlyweds?" That, and the non-stop promoting and marketing sort of stirred up interest in your relationship. It's going to be tough to smash the toothpaste back into the tube now. Just FYI.

Super Mario Brothers Marimba Jam, Live Onstage

The unexplainably funniest thing I've seen lately. A bunch of kids on stage at what looks like a high school talent show, dressed as Super Mario Brothers characters, playing the video game theme song on the xylophones, re-enacting some of the game's best moments (shooting stars, mushrooms, Princess Peach, etc.)

Russell Crowe Pleads Guilty to Phone Tossing, Is Convicted of Being a Dumb Bully Jerk

Perhaps now he'll return home, to terrorize and physically abuse low-wage concierges in Australia's finest hotels.

from the AP: Russell Crowe pleaded guilty Friday to third-degree assault, admitting to a judge that he threw a phone that hit a Manhattan hotel concierge in June.

Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Kathryn Freed sentenced the actor to a conditional discharge, which means he must not get arrested for one year. The judge also instructed Crowe to pay a $160 court surcharge, which defense attorney Gerald Lefcourt said would be paid immediately.

If he had been convicted of more serious charges initially filed against him — assault and criminal possession of a weapon — Crowe could have lost his right to work in the United States and might have faced seven years of prison time.

Woman Who Invented Stuffing Dies

Cram a little more carby goodness into your turkeyhole this Thanksgiving in memory of Mrs. Siems.

from the New York Times:

Ruth M. Siems, a retired home economist whose best-known innovation will make its appearance, welcome or otherwise, in millions of homes tomorrow, died on Nov. 13 at her home in Newburgh, Ind. Ms. Siems, an inventor of Stove Top stuffing, was 74.

Ms. Siems (pronounced "Seems") spent more than three decades on the staff of General Foods, which introduced the Stove Top brand in 1972. Today, Kraft Foods, which now owns the brand, sells about 60 million boxes of it at Thanksgiving, a company spokeswoman said.

Shock Wave From Sound Barrier

Unneccessary, but cool, photo of the day.

from defenselink.mil:

Navy Lt. Ron Candiloro's F/A-18 Hornet creates a shock wave as he breaks the sound barrier July 7. The shock wave is visible as a large cloud of condensation formed by the cooling of the air. A smaller shock wave can be seen forming on top of the canopy.

It is possible for a skilled pilot to work the plane's throttle to move the shock wave forward or aft.

Candiloro is assigned to Fighter Squadron 151, currently deployed with the USS Constellation battle group. (U.S. Navy photo by Ensign John Gay)

(Oh, and about the name of the photographer, please feel free to infer a "don't ask, don't tell" joke.)

Women Stay in Bed for 60 Days - In the Name of Space Science

Why can't I find a job like this? Laziness, and a sense of contribution to the exploration of space. Peach. From the AP:

Laurence Theil lounges around in bed, with attendants to massage her back and bring her breakfast on a tray.

But it isn't exactly a life of leisure: Theil has spent 50 straight days confined to bed for space research.

She is not allowed to stand or sit up, ever, and there's a 24-hour surveillance camera to make sure. She showers lying down and even jogs in bed, strapped in to a vertical treadmill that makes people feel they are racing up a wall.

Private Sector, Low-Cost Lunar Plan Unveiled

From space.com:

A newly released study has focused on how best to return people to the Moon, reporting that future lunar missions can be done for under $10 billion - far less than a NASA price tag.

The multi-phased three-year study was done by a private space firm, SpaceDev of Poway, California, and concluded that safe, lower cost missions can be completed by the private sector using existing technology or innovative new technology expected to be available in time to support human exploration of the Moon in the near-future.

You'd Think That Writing an Angry Fan Letter Might Be Enough

...but then, have you ever heard "I Want Action?"

from Eonline:

Somebody's gunning for Bret Michaels.

The Poison frontman literally dodged a bullet, or at least a pellet, escaping injury after someone fired a single shot into his tour bus Monday night.

The "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" singer was inside his luxury coach when the incident took place outside the Rumble Seat Bar and Grille in Chicopee, Massachusetts, where he was due to perform.

Also, hilariously, amazon.com lists a song on Poison's greatest hits album (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) as "Unskinny Bob." I'm embarrassed to say that I know that the correct title of that crappy song is actually "Unskinny Bop."

In New York, This Might Pass For Performance Art

A+ for effort!

From the AP:

Police in Salina say two students dumped paint, crayons, body lotion and glue in a school art room.

But the suspects can't be arrested because the girls are only six and seven years old. A person must be ten years old to be charged.

Police said between 16 and 18 containers of Tempera paint were dumped in Heusner School, along with several jars of Glitter Glue and various other art supplies. Crayons were dumped on the floor and broken, and a container of body lotion was poured onto a desk.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Puke

From space.com:

Space-travelers face a topsy-turvy world where up and down is nowhere to be found. Sensors in your inner ear signal to the brain not only that you're not in Kansas anymore but the familiar tug of Earth's one-gravity is missing.

Very few astronauts have what's called the "lead head"--immune from space adaptation syndrome or space sickness. Vertigo, nausea, headaches, and in some cases vomiting can strike a new arrival to space.

Moreover, the up-and-going world of commercial space tourism will likely spotlight the need for some space sickness countermeasures to be "market ready."

British Theater Actor Richard Griffiths Yells at Audience Member With Ringing Phone

Interesting sidenote: Griffiths, who had a role in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, was raised by deaf parents.

from the London Theater Guide:

Richard Griffiths, star of Heroes at the Wyndham’s theatre, took matters into his own hands after one woman’s mobile went off not once but three times, during a matinee performance last Saturday.

At the third interruption, which occurred near the end of the play, 58-year-old Olivier winner Griffiths stopped in the middle of his speech, approached the guilty party in the third row, and angrily suggested that she leave the theatre.

“He just had enough, so he walked to the front of the stage and asked her if her f***ing phone was going to ring one more time or could he finish the play,” says David Pugh, producer of Heroes. “He said ‘there’s 750 people sitting in here, and if I was them I’d sue you for spoiling their afternoon. In fact why don’t you leave the theatre now, f*** off’, and it brought the house down. There was standing ovation.”

How To Read a Barcode

Impress your friends by asking them to select a random item from the kitchen with a removable label and cut the numbers off of the UPC barcode; you can then proceed to read the numbers encoded in the lines.

(At the same time, if your friends are truly impressed by this trick, consider acquiring a better class of friends.)

Man at Gun Show Shoots Self

From the AP: A trip to the restroom resulted in a trip to the hospital for a Bloomington man who accidentally shot himself in the hand over the weekend at a gun show.

Faribault Police Sgt. Richard Larson said the 59-year-old man shot himself while removing his gun from a hook in a bathroom stall while attending the 31st annual Faribault Rifle and Pistol Club gun show on Sunday morning.

If they would just put those gun hooks lower in the bathrooms at gun shows, this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

E=MC2 Celebrates 100th Birthday

Go, Einstein. It's your formula's birthday. Go, Einstein. It's your formula's birthday. From the BBC:

It seems so simple: three letters standing for energy, mass, and the speed of light, brought together with the tightness of a soundbite. Yet what it encapsulates is still hard for scientists to grasp. Einstein showed in a handful of lines that as you accelerate an object, it not only gets faster, it also gets heavier.

That in turn makes further pushing less fruitful so that eventually nothing can be accelerated beyond the speed of light. The equation rounded out the theory of relativity he had started earlier in the year. Einstein soon recognised through the equation that the energy released in radioactivity - a phenomenon hardly understood at the time - might lead to measurable changes in mass.

Especially For the Children: Harry Potter-Themed Ecstasy Pills

Man, that Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire stuff, man, it's totally trippy. Heh heh. Heh. From thesmokinggun.com:

In the latest attempt to distinctively brand their illegal products, New York City drug dealers have begun peddling Ecstasy pills bearing images from the popular Harry Potter books and movies. Federal prosecutors in Brooklyn this week charged 14 people with allegedly smuggling 400,000 pills of the popular club drug into the U.S. from Europe.

Isadora Duncan and the Long, Long, Scarf

It's getting colder in Chicago. The sun is gone before four-thirty in the afternoon. The wind is sharper and whips around the corners of tall buildings like an eroding blast of dry, gritty canyon air, only frozen. And somehow, while hot desert air seems to prompt a slow, tired, cleansing exhale, the cold Midwestern winter air causes a gasp, and a tension, that brings more of the harsh environment inside our bodies. It's long wool coat, thick leather gloves, and long scarf weather.

For years now, every time I wrap a long scarf around my neck, I think about how Isadora Duncan died.

Tonight after work I stepped onto a very crowded train with a long black scarf half-knotted around my neck. I slid my leather bag off my shoulder so I could hold it by my side, allowing more room for other riders. This movement tossed one length of the thick fabric over my left shoulder. As my fellow passengers and I shuffled our feet and exhaled (as if this would free the spaces between us), I looked over my shoulder at my reflection in the smudgy windows of the train doors, which were closing inches behind me. I saw my tired eyes, my reddened cheeks, my windblown hair - and my scarf, as the length of fraying tassle at the end was snapped into the rubbery gap between the two sliding metal doors. I was caught.

Isadora Duncan was born in 1878 in San Francisco, the daughter of a poet and a pianist/music teacher. She is considered the mother of modern dance, and pioneered a natural, interpretive style free of the formal constrictions of ballet. About her art, she said "The only dance masters I could have were Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Walt Whitman and Nietzsche."

She was bold and unconventional in her art and life, and is considered an early feminist. She had two children (one with Singer sewing machine heir Paris Singer) without the benefit of marriage, about which she said: "Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences."

All through her life, Isadora had a strong desire to nurture children, and educate them about the arts, culture, freeing physical movement, and their spiritual natures, as well as foundational academics. She opened her first school in Germany in 1904, and paid for the tuition and basic needs for many hand-chosen children from very poor families. In her own words: "I do not teach children, I give them joy."

In September 1927 she climbed into a Bugatti convertible in Nice, France, with her friend Ivan Falchetto. Her beautiful trademark long scarf, nearly ankle-length, flowed in the wind, and caught in the axle of the car as it began to speed down the road. Isadora was jerked violently from the automobile and dragged for several yards before anyone realized what had happened. She died instantly of a broken neck.

She also said: "What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print."

South Park Boys Take Irreverent Humor TOO FAR

They can mock the Pope, Tom Cruise, Judaism, fat people, racism, Latin America, alien probe allegations, Jennifer Lopez, Up With People, President Bush, God, Canada, Janeane Garofalo, Celine Dion, Winona Ryder, Marlon Brando, Mormonism, Matt Damon, Ricky Martin, Catholicism, and George Clooney all they want.

But when Matt Stone and Trey Parker start going after redheads, I will change the channel, cancel my subscription, petition my congressman, send dozens of unwanted pizzas to Comedy Central, write angry letters to People Magazine, pray to St. Jude, clog up the South Park Studios message boards, blog like a mothertrucker, stalk Leeza Gibbons, and only get madder and redder, because this will not stand!

I am not alone in my outrage. Leading campaigners against these slanders include, but are not limited to:

Castro Scoffs at Parkinson's Rumors, Maintains Other Big Fat Lies As Well

He also said, "Cuba is like heaven on earth and is in no way a failed experiment in communism. Electricity and power never falter, I never throw people in jail for expressing opinions that counter mine, no citizen ever wants for medical care, and sparkly magical unicorns fly children to school every day."

From the Chicago Tribune:

Rebutting reports he is suffering from Parkinson's disease, Cuban President Fidel Castro told the nation in a televised speech ending early Friday that he is feeling "better than ever."

Dressed in his trademark combat fatigues, a seemingly fit Castro stood at a wooden lectern for close to six hours and joked about an American intelligence assessment that he may be suffering from Parkinson's and could deteriorate in coming years.

"They have tried to kill me off so many times," Castro said.

But diplomats and experts say that only Castro's inner circle -- including a team of top-flight physicians -- know whether the 79-year-old Cuban leader has Parkinson's or any other chronic ailment or is merely showing signs of aging.

Hi, I'm Your Sister. Our Father Was Sperm Sample #352423

From the New York Times:

For children who often feel severed from half of their biological identity, finding a sibling - or in some cases, a dozen - can feel like coming home. It can also make them even more curious about the anonymous father whose genes they carry.

The half-sibling hunt is driven in part by the growing number of donor-conceived children who know the truth about their origins. As more single women and lesbian couples use sperm donors to conceive, children's questions about their fathers' whereabouts often prompt an explanation at an early age, even if all the information about the father that is known is his code number used by the bank for identification purposes and the fragments of personal information provided in his donor profile.

Donor-conceived siblings, who sometimes describe themselves as "lopsided" or "half-adopted," can provide clues to make each other feel more whole, even if only in the form of physical details. Liz Herzog, 12, and Callie Frasier-Walker, 10, for instance, carry the same dimple near their right eye.

Acting Gay is the New Acting Ugly

Not long ago, the fast track to big shiny acting awards was "uglying up" for the camera.

Think Nicole Kidman, who was given a prosthetic nose and some plain shapeless clothing, which diminished her natural luminosity by .45%, and therefore increased her talent by 97%. Result? Oscar.




Think Charlize Theron, who gained 15 pounds and stopped touching up her roots to pass for Hollywood's version of ugly. Her reward? Oscar.




Now the hot trend is gay roles. Sort of a gimmick, some might say. The theory seems to be that nothing proves a performer's talent and dedication more than macking all over another a dude onscreen, especially when their natural orientation is trumpeted across the universe as anything but actually gay. Of course, this "brave" choice of roles is usually accompanied with a blaring PR campaign to remind the public that the actor in question is, in fact, unstoppably heterosexual. Ragingly, screamingly heterosexual.

Sort of like when Hilary Swank won her Oscar for "Boys Don't Cry" a few years ago, playing the transgendered Teena Brandon. The media blitz following her nomination and subsequent win was peppered with ultra-femme photos of the lovely actress, and some of the articles actually included the phrase "Hilary Swank, who is actually a woman," in case the moviegoing public was too naive to understand that an actor is not her character. It was lip gloss, fuzzy pink sweaters, and cleavage for Hilary for quite some time after that.

From the New York Times:

There has been an explosion of Oscar-baiting performances in which straight actors play gay, transvestite or transgender characters. Philip Seymour Hoffman melts into the role of the gay title character in "Capote," while Cillian Murphy plays a transvestite in 1970's Ireland in Neil Jordan's witty, endearing "Breakfast on Pluto." Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger play lovers in "Brokeback Mountain" (set to open Dec. 9), already better known as "the gay cowboy movie" and already a Letterman joke.