Sloan's Chicago Architecture Tour

Sloan's been getting her creative mojo back in high gear. Today she put this up:

It's Going to be SO Funny, No, Seriously...

Do my blog readers look to the left and check out my Twitter posts? Just curious.

Anyway, I can't sleep. Again. This time for reasons of excitement, rather than bone-rattling, soul-smothering anxiety. Two things:

I've been asked to perform in show written and directed by Second City instructors and directors. Very flattering. Very outside my comfort zone, but what the hell? If there's one thing I've learned lately, it's never say never.

And -- the biggie -- I just got approval for Bastion/Apiary sponsorship for the stand-up comedy showcase I want to produce and perform in here in Chicago. I was going to do some nerdy-ass "and here, I will type the name of my showcase for the first time, to boldly declare to the universe that blah blah blah" but then I stopped myself. It's too cool a name, and I'm feeling uncharacteristically superstitious, I don't want anybody stealing it. I also don't want to lose my own enthusiasm and wuss out.

Anyway, also, this (NSFW) video is effing hilarious. Enjoy it, and enjoy thinking about what your dear Bella might be able to do for herself and her merry band of comic misfits if she secures her own stage and can create a place for some really cool stuff to evolve. (Maybe she'll stop referring to herself in the third person, because that crap is annoying.)

Dear Fellow Traverser of Chicago City Streets,

Yes, you certainly do own a fine and beautiful automobile. I believe it's a Bentuar, or a Jagley, if my broad knowledge of today's ridiculous luxury vehicles serves me well.

You do not, however, by extension or entitlement, own the Chicago city street on which you and I are currently both traveling.

More to the point, do you have any idea what a great experiential discrepancy there exists between you and me when you decide to honk (from your car) at me (on my bike) -- for reasons I still can't figure out?*

From the surround-sound, air-conditioned, privileged interior of your car, you are perhaps slightly annoyed by my presence, and clearly think nothing of laying all over your horn, and motoring blithely on your way.

From astride my old and rapidly rusting bicycle, burdened with heavy cargo (and no, I don't mean my ass), exposed to all elements both natural and unnatural, I am violently physically startled and almost knocked off my shaky seat by my instinctive physical reaction to the the abrupt and very jarring noise of your horn.

You go on, comfortable, safe, and protected by layers of steel. I go on, my heart pounding and my entire body shaking for several blocks.

All of this is my careful, detailed, and probably unnecessary way of saying what I finally yelled at you after regaining something resembling my composure after today's encounter: "F*CK OFF!"

Love,
Bella Rossa

*Seriously, what was that about? I was not in your way. There was no other traffic on the block. I was not impeding your travel in the least. I wasn't wearing a tank top, or a "Buck Fush" t-shirt, or anything else that might have prompted your jerkass reaction. What?!

Indianapolis Museum of Art - Emily Kennerk: Suburban Nation

I am so hugely proud of one of my best friends, Emily, I'm seriously tearing up looking at these videos (courtesy of Nora). Emily and I have known each other since we were snotty nosed pony riding tomboys...and look at what she's doing now. Oh, Emily!

The first American museum exhibition featuring the work of Indianapolis native Emily Kennerk, Suburban Nation, includes large-scale installations influenced by the American landscape, which use mass-produced materials including vinyl siding, decking, roof shingles, and awnings. Transforming materials and forms found in suburbia, Kennerk freshly examines the public's relationship to these American icons.

I'm Quitting the Internet

Edit: I did something constructive with my annoyance. I called for more contributors...again. And I can't believe this, but I told my readers to choke down a bottle of "Chill The F*ck" out pills. But in a funny, loving way.

Ever feel like quitting the entire internet? There is some volatile crap blowing up on the Bastion today. 77 inflamed comments and counting. I wonder if any of these people who are so full of criticism and anger have any idea that I put hundreds of hours of work into this as a labor of love, and that I'm routinely bombed with more e-mail requests for reviews and listings than I could ever possibly keep up with. Infrequently (but sometimes) people are actually pissy with me about not being able to see and review their shows, which is unfathomable to me.

Guess what, rare but bothersome jerkasses? I'd love to a have a New York Times-sized staff, and be able to offer exhaustive coverage of every single show going on in Chicago, so that you don't feel like, by virtue of not being written about, you're being snubbed.

I keep looking for more writers, but even people who are willing are busy, and until that dream team of Pulitzer Prize winners is in place behind MacBooks in my swank high-rise offices, it's me and Kristy running the show, and I also have a job, and friends and family and a life, so piss off.

Also, we're a blog, which is an opinion-based medium. We can actually write about whatever we want. And P.S., anyone can start a blog. The medium is wild, wooly, lawless frontier. Please feel free to start your own, and write about the things you think should be written about.

Sigh. Sorry. So inappropriate. As a palate cleanser, a pit bull playing with baby chicks:

Desk Renting as a Leap of Faith

I'm blogging from what is most likely going to become my permanent new office space, just a short bike ride from home. Writing from home was too challenging, for various reasons (the least of which is a certain distractingly adorable stripey furball), and though it's something of a leap of faith, I'm going to take it.

I'm renting a desk in a very cool office space where a fellow writing colleague is also beginning to put down working roots.

It's a little nerve-wracking because so much seems uncertain as a freelance writer, but maybe this is the sort of definitive statement I need to make to myself and the universe that I'm serious about this, that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and I have the power to create the kind of circumstances and environment in which I can thrive and succeed.

As you can tell from the picture, one thing hasn't changed yet - I'm still working makeup-free in grubby t-shirts. But at least I'm out of my jammy pants and out of my house.

Working From Home Is Problematic

Calpurnia's cuteness is a danger to my productivity. One of many reasons that working from home can be a real challenge. Tap, tap. Nudge, nudge.

50 Redheads On The Same Subway Car

...and they all want to buy sunscreen. It's an Improv Everywhere gag, and I think it's awesome.

For our latest mission, over 50 redheads rode the subway together and protested a Manhattan Wendy’s for their “racist logo.”...Agent McCarthy...proposed, “What would it be like if you got onto a subway car and slowly realized that everyone on the car but you had red hair?” Redheads only make up 1% of the world’s population, and with the racial diversity of the New York subway system, it’s probably an even smaller percentage.

One of the commenters on the original YouTube posting said "That's the most freckles I've seen in one place since Conan went high def."

Emily Kennerk's "Suburban Nation"

My hometown BFF Emily is kicking ass and taking names in the art world. Her big show at the IMA has opened and she's getting all kinds of attention. Here's a Nuvo article about her show, courtesy of our mutual friend Nora. Yay Emily!

Kennerk is fascinated with what she calls collisions: areas where land meets sky to form the horizon or where cultural structures impact natural orders. Suburbia becomes its own landscape in her four meticulous installations, three inside and one outdoors...Kennerk collaborated with installers to create three room-size gallery works to her exacting specifications. Viewers seemed amused yet puzzled by Kennerk’s art materials, such as pre-fab white vinyl siding, gutters and screen doors that might be found on their Hamilton County condos.

Heroes Come in Small Packages

Chihuahua saves baby from rattlesnake.

First of all, what an adorable red-headed little baby.

And look at the proud, chillin' expression on the dog's face. Do you think he knows he did something amazing?

For all the animal hatas out there, and people who categorically hate entire group of animals (like little dogs), this little pup saw a rattler poising to strike his owners' grandbaby, and jumped between them to take the bite. Would you have done that? What a badass little hero.

Tired of Being Alone?

Put a little love in your heart. Aisle three.

I took this with my cell phone one block up from my place, where there usually is a Walgreen's...but not on this night. That's right, I'm blogging from my phone now! How awesome is that?

Call Me! Let's Chit!

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My Interview With Carol Leifer in Chicago Magazine

Hooray! My Chicago Magazine interview with Carol Leifer, who will be playing the Lakeshore Theater in a few weeks.

Also, not quite the same flavor of pop culture fun, my first piece in Builder/Architect (p. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6).

Walk On. A Little Tougher, a Little Stronger. Walk On.

I'm playing Brandi Carlile's "Story" on repeat and I'm breaking one of the key rules of blogging and internet communication, one you can lump in with "don't write when you're drunk or angry," which is "don't write when you're grieving or underslept." I did not sleep at all last night. Not a bit. I dreaded the sun creeping up the horizon over the glimmering water, but it came, casting pink shadows across my bed.

Last night Kristy and I and hundreds of others gathered at an old Catholic church on the south side of Chicago for Pat Brice's funeral mass, which began about an hour and a half late because the line of people wanting to offer condolences to his mother, father, brother, and sister-in-law wrapped all the way around the block.

The church was absolutely full. People stood in every square inch of the Nativity of Our Lord. As soon as we got out of the car, the sound of church bells chiming out "Danny Boy" immediately brought tears. The words of his family ring in my ears. They looked so shocked. We held their hands and they thanked us for the fact that the Bastion has become a default online memorial for their son. I can't stop thinking about them. Then there were his friends, among them his fellow Blerds. These blustering, boisterous comedy boys who can wring a joke out of anything, staggering around, red-eyed, bewildered. It just felt wrong. It felt like a terrible cosmic mistake had been made.

I didn't know Pat well, but you didn't have to know him to sense the kind of special person he was by measuring the immense amount of grief in this room. This gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet boy, already so good at what he did but not even close to the fruition of the promise of his talent - gone.

Before I go totally off the rails, I will sharpen my point, a realization I'm coming to understand with a painful but beautiful clarity: there is no such thing as "closure." That's a meaningless sound bite that is repeated when people have a camera in their face and are trying to make some media-friendly sense of tragic and painful events.

Life involves pain and loss. People hurt us, whether intentionally or blindly. People are lost to us. Random chance cheats us, stings us, bites us. Life will always offer, along with delights, hurts. They are a part of why we're able to offer compassion to others, part of why we're able to create art, part of the darker range of the color palette that lets us appreciate the contrasting bright tones in those beautiful moments when they present themselves.

For what often feels like a terribly wasteful long time, I suspended my own progress in life. I used to think that I'd have to wait for certain hurts to subside before continuing on with my life and really going after the things I wanted to do. I felt diminished, and weakened, and unworthy to walk ahead on my path and find my future and fulfill my promise. I waited in a small apartment in a small town in Indiana for years and years, living a small life, losing track of the days, tossing and turning in a restless walking sleep, with a dull ache I thought would subside with time. It didn't.

It's not fair that this amazing young man is gone, but he is. It's not fair, and it doesn't make sense, and it hurts, but life hurts, and we have to walk on anyway, with some heaviness in our hearts, and a sting with certain memories, and lingering sense of disappointment. We have to walk on anyway. I want to grow enough to understand that, and accept that, and live that - and walk on. It starts today.

A Prophet in Her Hometown...Paper

My artist friend Emily Kennerk (who grew up with me in our hometown of Zionsville) is preparing to open her first big show at the Indianapolis Museum of Art very soon. It's called "Suburban Nation." Here's an article about her in the Indianapolis Star.

I just got a call from my hometown paper, the Zionsville Times-Sentinel, yesterday, letting me know that they'd gotten the press release about my stage fright auction and stand-up comedy kickoff some months ago, and would like to do a profile on me as an aspiring writer and comedian, which is very cool.

Of course, right now, all I can think is "everyone who ever knew me growing up is going to read this...and they won't be fooled into thinking I'm any cooler now than I was in junior high."

Interview with Posh Spice's "PA Spice"

My Chicago comedy friend Renee Gauthier has given me (as the Bastion) an exclusive on "her experience working as Victoria Beckham's personal assistant on the show Victoria Beckham: Coming To America," which aired last night on NBC.

It's a pretty awesome and hilarious interview, if you ask me.

Give it a peek, and get answers to questions like "What, if anything, does Posh eat in a 24-hour period?" "Does she think her tits look good?" "What's the deal with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes suddenly being BFF with the Beckhams?" and much, much more.

Typos are Everywhere

From Netflix, with errors bolded because I am becoming evermore the grammar bitch:

An email with instructions on how to access Your Account has been sent to you at elizabeth.mcquern@****mail.com

To acccess Your Account

1. Check your email account
2. Click the link in the email

You will then be asked to chagne your password.

If you no longer have access to this email account, please click here.

Chicago Comedy Loses a Friend

Chicago comedy is going to have a quiet week. One of our stand-up friends, Pat Brice, not even 30 years old, passed away over the weekend while attending a friend's wedding out of town. We don't know any details yet but we're all very very saddened and in shock. We're sharing the news over on the Bastion.

I didn't know Pat well, having only said hello to him at parties and shows several times, but the outpouring of grief from all of his friends is heartbreaking.

Just another painful reminder that we don't know how much time we have on this earth to pursue our dreams and show love to the people we care about.

Don't screw around. Don't waste time. Don't let the fears and insecurities we all suffer from keep you from going after the things you want to do in life.

Chicago comedy loves you and misses you, Pat.

Fishing For Compliments

At left is a picture of my dad's latest fishing trophies, during a recent trip to Kenosha, Wisconsin. (The guy in the picture is not my dad.)

Two weeks ago, when my first article was published in the Indianapolis Star, my dad called me with a puzzling intro to a conversation.

"Hi, Dad, what's going on with you today?"

"Well, your mom's walking around the house looking for my buttons."

"What?"

"When I saw your article, I got so proud, my chest puffed up, and all the buttons popped off my shirt, so your mom's off looking for all of them."

How sweet is that?

Friday Friend Frappe

Time to plug some writing friends!

First, my new friend Donna Kozik, a much-published author and copywriter who edits some of the publications I write for, and who has trained me as a proofreader, is going to be featured on NPR's Marketplace today, talking about the value of virtual assistants. Fellow NPR nerds know that Marketplace is an American Public Radio production, and you can find out when your local station airs that show by clicking here.

Ever since I embarked on my terrifying but thrilling writerly journey here in the big city, I've been getting an invaluable amount of support and advice from a friend back in Indiana, self-described "writer, copyeditor, kid wrangler" Manda Newlin.

Manda has helped me navigate the wilds of freelance journalism and corporate communications, and, in turn, I've been advising her as she's taken her first few steps into the frontiers of blogging. Clearly, I'm getting the better end of the deal. Anyway, check out her writing-oriented blog, Words Count, where she showcases her wonderful sense of humor.

Then there's my new blog-quaintance, Canadian writer Carmi Levy, who pens Written Inc., a marvelously well-written and fascinating blog about his travels and observations as a journalist. (I found him through my friend Dale.) He seems to jet to all four corners of the globe every week, snapping great pictures and sharing sharp and poignant observations along the way. You would be forgiven for being a bit envious that his life includes an amazing job, lots of travel, and a beautiful family as well.

In Carmi's own words, "I am a journalist who observes the world from the perimeter before picking up my pen and describing what I see. No more, no less. I believe strongly in random acts of kindness, and know we can all do a better job making our planet a happier place to live. Call me an idealist, but I believe words can help make that happen."

Bella Simpson

What would you look like as a Simpsons character?

At left, me. Kinda boring looking, actually. I need more tomboy gear to look more like myself. And the eyebrows need to be archier. But what an adorable overbite, no?

Swooning Bloops

Is this technically a fetish? Here's a website archiving very specific scenes in movies - where a man is carrying a woman. A woman who is in peril/incapacitated/all swoony and crap. There are lots of pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. What is this about, exactly? I'm pretty sure it's the website you click on right before you go looking for ones about rape fantasies. That's just the feeling I get.






What the haytch is this thing, the "Bloop," lumbering beneath the sea in a terrifying indeterminate slumber, making noises that naval technology can't make sense of? Is it Cthulhu? Is it a spaceship? Is it a gigantowhale? And listen to this official government recording of this almost immeasurably deep burble in the mysterious depths. Shudder.

Blogging to Relieve Stress

Taking a break from my corporate project for a few minutes to write fun dumb stuff.

Boobalicious! Want bigger ta-ta's without the fuss, discomfort, and expense of silicone implants? Pretty soon you may be able to use your own tummy fat for a bigger rack. If only we could shoot our own fat into our heads to make us smarter, too. Then we could think our way out of problems like Iraq.




Something strange and awesome is going on in Chicago...it's the Chicago Crochet Graffiti Artists: Micro-Fiber Militia! Did you ever think that things your grandma did while creaking in the corner rocking chair would be considered subversive? Knit the shit outta this city, anonymous artist person! (Okay, I actually do know who this person is...but I've agreed to protect their identity, on account of it being a little dangerous to be quite so awesome.)





Courtney Love is becoming Muppetier every day. I still sort of have affection for her, but sometimes she's a little too crazy even for me. And she needs to let up on the frequent rearrangements of her face before she veers off into Wildenstein territory.

Happy Birthday To Me

It's my birthday! Chicago was hot but beautiful today. I treated myself to a five hour bike excursion. Here's some of what I saw:

Cate the Great

Netflix just added the "drop and drag" feature. Rock on. I've watched over 420 movies from Netflix in the last three years, which reminds me that I need to read more books. The last DVD I watched was "Babel."

Cate Blanchett is one of my favorite actresses. I loved her in "Elizabeth." I loved her in "Bandits." She is just fantastic and nervy and smart and flawed in everything. I love her even more after that big profile in last February's "New Yorker" (only part of which is available online) in which she revealed herself to be just as silly and chaotic as the rest of us grubby human beings. In that article, she spoke about the early loss of her father, and how the grief that children experience can be a sort of painful portal to creativity: "bereavement is a 'strange gift.' The shadow that informed her brightness. 'It's chiaroscuro,' she said."

The article went on: "In work and in life, Blanchett, whose favorite word is 'fluidity,' has a kind of inconclusiveness that lets her remain receptive." This observation struck me at a time when I was struggling with a vague disappointment at not being able to feel surer about things. It seemed to me that at a certain point in intellectual and personal development, I should be able to enjoy a certain security in a conclusiveness based on knowledge and experience. Thinking and reading more helped me realize that, especially as a creative person, I would need to be somewhat inconclusive to remain flexible enough to interpret new ideas, no matter how unsettling a feeling that might be.

Totally Unnecessary Cat Video, 2 of 2

Another cat video thinly disguised as an editing exercise. Don't say you weren't warned. This time I used different titling, shot with the iSight camera, and used what iMovie refers to as the "Ken Burns Effect" (no, seriously) on still photos. I also used the letterbox feature to obscure the boob spillage that happened every time I leaned over to kiss Flora.

How do I justify this silliness? Well, first, Flora is almost ten years old, is not going to live forever, and no video footage exists of her, so when she jumped on my lap this morning, I flipped on the camera. I always need more editing practice. And if I'm going to shoot and edit something, why not archive it online? Finally, let's be honest. This is a blog. You want substance and erudite editorial comment? Read the New York Times.

Blogs of Hollywood Writers

I've been trolling around the internet, looking for blogs by writers working in show biz. Turns out there are a lot, and some of them offer a really fascinating peek into the day to day work of creating popular entertainment. Have you ever wondered how all of that stuff is really done? What are pitch meetings like? How do you convince a producer that your idea is worth putting millions of dollars into? How does a whole roomful of people mesh together to effectively write anything?

First, the blog of Ken Levine, an Emmy-winning tv comedy writer, producer and director. He worked on "Cheers," and talks about how the now famous "Norm!" moments didn't make sense to the audience at first:

"We filmed the first eight episodes of CHEERS before the series aired. So studio audiences were unfamiliar with the characters. As a result, when we did 'Normisms' they just died horrible silent deaths. Week after week. No one understood it was a running bit. We kept writing them though, staunchly believing when the series finally aired it would catch on."

Then, the blog of John Rogers, another tv and film writer. Here he talks about tv and film writing jargon:

"'the Gilligan cut': When you cut directly from a character declaring there's no way he's going to do something, to him doing it, for comedic effect...'a Bono': a place in the script that, no matter what joke you put there, it fails...'a Squiggy' or 'the 'hello' gag: From Laverne & Shirley. Can only be defined by example..."

And finally, from "If this is LA, I must be a screenwriter,"an example of how the "backwards read" I've been using for catching mistakes in proofreading is good for getting perspective on other types of writing, too:

"I've just discovered the most fabulous excellent rewriting tool ever...The Backwards Read...What you do is go through your script scene-by-scene, starting with the last scene and moving towards the first. This allows you to really view the scene as a separate entity, and make sure it contains all the drama, action, suspense, conflict, and character it needs, without any reliance on the other scenes. Later, when you re-enter the forward world, you can check for flow and all those lovely forward-looking things."

Also worth checking out: Complications Ensue, the blog of writer Alex Epstein.