Chicago Underground Comedy Highlights, May 28, 2008

Video, music, and editing by me.

Featuring Mort Burke, Dan Polydoris, Sean Flannery, Dan Telfer, Andrew Dewitt, and Prescott Tolk.

Mort Burke laments his striking resemblance to both Cate Blanchett and Anne Heche, Dan Polydoris is sports-o-phobic, Dan Telfer would like to educate you about the prehensile dolphin penis, the four-year-old that lives inside Andrew Dewitt is still really sad about not getting to meet Smokey the Bear, Mort Burke is a little on the skinny side, Sean Flannery points out the ridiculousness of politics, and Prescott Tolk is intimidated by the bulgy men on underwear boxes.

Dear Aspiring Bank Scammers,

If you're going to try to trick me into giving you access to my bank account, take the extra time to proof your pitch so that there are not five spelling or other errors in the first sentence of your bogus email to me:

"Because of unusual number of invalid login attempts on you account, we had to believe that, their might be some security problem on you account."

I'm broke but I'm not stupid. And yes, my bank is on your tail now.

Blogging From the Back of the Room at ChUC

We just finished producing an audition showcase for a reality show for a major network. Our most musical cast members and other favorite comedians delivered self-penned jingles for two casting girls from L.A. who now sit at a table in the back to see our talent in their natural habitat.

I set out the swag and Tootsie Pops and Dan made a bunch of awesome little red ChUC buttons. The camera is set up and I'm sitting behind it all Cecil B. DeMille, ready to mechanically record and remix another round of laughs and insights from our comedian-philosophers.

It's so cold here today (hello, June, are you just around the corner?) but I have been feeling slovenly, despite frequent bike rides and trips to the gym, so I minimized my producer\editor's pack to ID\credit card, lip gloss, cell phone (from which I blog), and camera\tripod.

Everything fits neatly on a bundle on my back. Well, not that neatly. The tripod is jammed through the arm holes of my backpack, rendering me probably a foot and a half wider than I would be ordinarily. This is important when you consider Chicago drivers are only required to give you four feet of space in order to pass you on the road.

I drove through Cubs game traffic in Wrigleyville on the way here. Cones and traffic cops and drunk baseball fans everywhere.

The feel before the show always says a lot about how the show will go. The room right now is relaxed. Laughing and chatting with anticipation. The comedians who already did the network audition are not nervous, since the uncertain part of the evening is already behind them.

I am at a crossroads in my own comedy development. I sit in my comfortable perch in the back, a part of things but separate. Integral, and overseeing, but invisible. Already thinking ahead about editing video and trying to get more recognition for this pool of talent. Getting email from a festival producer who has seen for herself that something good is brewing in Chicago and it's not just all the local beer.

P.S. I was right - it was a great show. Highlight reel to come.

This Week is Another Busy One...Plus, "Where's This All Going?"

Tonight Dan and I are producing a private audition for a reality show for a major network. There is much shuffling of talent and revising of Google spreadsheets. Then we'll be producing ChUC, as always.

Bryan and six of the other Blewt folks are in Los Angeles right now pitching/auditioning Don't Spit the Water to three notable media entities. (I'm not sure, in either of these cases, what identifying information is cool to use, so I'm being purposefully vague.)

I have become BFF's with some of the key peeps behind the DC Comedy Fest. They want me to come out to the festival (where some of my comedians will probably be performing). I probably should, but the thought of committing several hundred bucks to anything other than coffee and internet access sort of makes me nervous right now.

Melissa and I are going ahead on work for Carrie Callahan, with lots of other comedy-types on a short list for web design, copywriting, and video editing work.

I have more professional deadlines this week than ever before, which is great.

Also, more and more friends are moving out to L.A., and encouraging me and others to do the same. I'm a long way away from being able to seriously consider and plan for that, but there are a lot of things that would fall into place if I did.

Back to work now.

We Get It, Chicago Weather

You're tempestuous. You're unpredictable, like a passionate, crazy lover. You're so hot and sunny that one day the fair-skinned among us are slathered in sunscreen, reclining in the shade, and still so hot we have to go inside for ice water and oscillating fan time, and the very next day, a morning bike ride involves stiff, frozen fingers, and chilly, cheek-reddening wind.

This morning's ten minute ride had me feeling personally thwarted by the might of nature, and two or three times I screamed, through chattering teeth, "I get it! You're the Windy City!" only to have my words compacted into the back of my throat without escape.

Thanks for keeping us on our toes.

Now, a little moderation, aye? Sound good? Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Love,
Your Devoted Elizabeth

Lucille Ball Plus Brigitte Bardot Times Charlize Theron Equals Me?

Keith did the "Celebrity Lookalike" thing, and, since I'm overworked and exhausted, I thought I'd totally waste some time finding out who I look like.

It's very scientific. Apparently I most resemble Lucille Ball, Charlize Theron (not accurate, but thank you!) some hot Indian chick I've never heard of, Brigitte Bardot, AND Peter Sellers. Because all of them are practically twins separated at birth.

Chicago Underground Comedy Highlights From May 20, 2008

Spring fever must be taking hold, because the energy was sky-high on Tuesday night at ChUC. Adam Burke is too Irish to enjoy the sunshine, Robert Buscemi wonders about the weirdness of mulch, Cameron Esposito discovers an unexpected musical bond between herself and some random dude on the CTA, Brendan McGowan reconsiders his lifelong fandom of the Chicago Cubs, James Asmus shares selections from his girlfriend the special ed teacher's going-away cards from her students, and Ricky Carmona is tired of the ever-evolving complexity of the modern handshake.

(EDIT: fixed the soundtrack problem and reposted the video...after four $#%#ing tries.)

Daisy Loves Cat Grass...and Bryan

Bryan: I like cats. I like Elizabeth. I'd like Elizabeth's cats to like me, but they take after their human mother and are little fraidies who hide under the bed 83% of their lives. I will buy cat grass and give it to them as a friendly peace offering. Then they will like me.

Elizabeth, Nellie, and Teresa: Aww! What a nice boy. Here, kitties, try some cat grass. It's delicious.

Elizabeth's cats Flora and Calpurnia: No thanks, we will continue to hide under the bed for all of eternity.

Nellie's cat Daisy: This is delicious! I like you, Bryan.

Bryan: Sigh.

I Am Ready For Indiana Jones!

I've heard some of the "meh" reviews but my enthusiasm is undiminished.

Harrison Ford! My very first movie crush (Han Solo)!

Shia LaBeouf! My jailbait, inappropriately young crush!

I'm heading for the theater Friday night with however many friends I can convince to go with me. Bring me Indiana Jones!

Nine facts about Indiana Jones, from Mental Floss:

George Lucas wrote a story called “The Adventures of Indiana Smith” in 1973.

Tom Selleck was almost the star of the Indiana Jones movies.

There was a glass wall between the actors and the snakes in the snake scenes (duh, I've known that since about 1981).

The name of the Shanghai nightclub in the Temple of Doom is Club Obi Wan.

Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Dan Akroyd have cameos in Temple of Doom.

The Last Crusade had rat insurance with a "1,000 rat deductible.”

Indiana really was named after a dog: George Lucas' Alaskan malamute Indiana, the same dog who inspired the look of Chewbacca.

Real titles of scripts of ideas that were rejected along the way of creating the fourth movie include Indiana Jones and the Garden of Life, Indiana Jones and the Monkey King, Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars, and Indiana Jones and the Red Scare.

Spielberg has been insistent that the new film look as much like the first three as possible, despite the evolution of movie making technology. He insisted on using stunt men rather than computer animation, computer-generated effects are used only when other means were not possible, and all the footage was shot on film rather than digitally.

Bryan's New Headshots

Last Saturday, before writing group, Bryan took me to Johnny Knight's studio off the Brown Line Addison stop so I could help out with the photo shoot for his new headshots. Johnny sent Bryan the proofs online today.


A few notes:

#1. Johnny Knight is an excellent photographer who does some really interesting stuff besides his top-notch headshots, and he's super nice to work with. Somehow his desk drawer contained my very favorite flavor of Cliff Bar, which he happily offered me when I was in desperate need of snack.

#2. I could never be an actor (or a comedian who's serious enough to need headshots) because I'm nervous just being in the same room with someone else who's on camera.

#3. Bryan looks very different with and without facial hair.

#4. Oh my god I have a totally hot boyfriend.* How did the girl who was too fat to get asked to prom in high school grow up to date someone this foxy?

*I apologize in advance to Bryan, because I know this will embarrass him.

MMMMMmmmm More Spinach 'n' Tofu

Melissa invited me on a bike ride to an appointment she had today in Evanston. Then she treated me to a giant lemon meringue ice cream cone at Sweet Occasions, which I topped off with another giant spinach and tofu salad once I got home. I'm probably going to ride my bike to and from ChUC tonight, too, which means more delicious sweet potatoes in my near future. MMMMmmmm.

I promise this will not turn into a food blog, because, since I tend to eat the same things again and again (unless Nellie, Bryan, or Teresa are cooking for me), it would get pretty boring pretty fast.

Come To My Show TONIGHT! All The Cool Kids Will Be There

We took last week off, which felt sort of weird. I wouldn't call it taking a breather, since I biked to and from DePaul to tape Carrie and Cameron (and had a bone-rattling collision with a car). I admit I missed having new footage to craft into a highlight clip. I am turning into a major editing geek.

Anyway, we have a great Chicago Underground Comedy lineup for tonight.

Performers from our cast include the clever and nicely accented Adam Burke, the one-of-a-kind Robert Buscemi, the ebullient and charming Ricky Carmona, and the increasingly hilarious Brendan McGowan.

Special guests are wry and witty Lincoln Lodge cast member Cameron Esposito and the genius boys behind Hey You Millionaires, who, it's true, recently played Whirlyball with their heroes and namesakes, Kids in the Hall.

Better Living Through Beta-Carotene

If nothing else, I can start taking better care of myself in hopes of boosting my energy and optimism levels, right? Right!

That's why this morning I woke up enough to brush my teeth and dash down the block to the gym, where I knocked myself out for 45 minutes before coming home to stuff myself with a giant spinach and tofu salad and a big ol' hunk of sweet potato. (It looks like the sweet potato is 95% butter, but I swear it isn't. It looks like my hair is sweaty and matted down...because it is.)

Hope

I am feeling down today.

Maybe I shouldn't be. Things are going well. People observing my life from the outside are saying "Wow, you're kicking ass!"

But I am feeling drained and sort of absent from my own experience. I've been tough on myself lately in a way I thought I was growing out of. I feel like I'm working really hard and not letting myself enjoy the rewards.

I've also been reading too much detail about upsetting recent news stories, which just makes me feel tremendously sad for the suffering of others. Hopeless. Powerless. Today I read about a little girl whose life has been changed forever in China's earthquakes and the pictures just made me burst into tears. I seem to be going through yet another period of stringent self-examination and yet another round of "what am I doing with my life?"

The questions are, "What am I doing with my life, and what should I be doing differently? Am I forgetting something? Am I letting the clock run out on things I'll regret not having done? Why am I immune to the enjoyment of my own accomplishments? How is it still my default response to let praise bounce off my armor? What am I doing wrong?"

As of yet, no answers.

For now, this photo of 75,000 Obama supporters in Portland, Oregon makes me feel better.

Yes, Obama, yes!

Pics from here and here.

Nellie at Second City

Nellie had her first show at Second City today. She has been nervous for weeks and was petrified until the moment she hit the stage, at which point magical sparkles emanated from the top of her head and everyone laughed. We missed the performance debut of Teresa, who is in Thailand, but the show was still lots of fun.

To cope with the loss of our roommate, we've put a Teresa wig on a stuffed scarecrow, propped it up on her bed, and jammed a flute into it's splintery fingers. Every time we come in the front door, we greet Scarecrow Teresa, and she happily waves hello.

More pictures to come.

Edit: pictures here. Video here.

Writer, Producer, Long-Distance Facilitator of Comedy

I seem to be doing more producing and booking by proxy these days. More and more people from both coasts are emailing me about finding shows to perform at while in Chicago, and booking people for shows they're planning on doing here.

Check out the poster for NYC comic Ben Lerman's upcoming show at Hamburger Mary's (a few blocks from my house). Ben emailed me via a Bastion/Apiary connection (namely, the lovely Mackenzie Condon) and wanted to see about finding some strong local talent for a show here.

I hooked him up with three of my favorite comics/best comedy pals, Cammie E, Carrie C, and DPolyDo (no, I've never referred to any of them using those nicknames before, and honestly, I don't know why I'm doing it now).

Also notice the second press soundbite: "'Sick and brilliant ukelele comedy' - TheBastion.org." Yep, that was me, too.

Anyway, it's just funny how a quiet and essentially shy person like me, by just sitting at a MacBook and sending out friendly, well-written emails, can do so much connecting and facilitating for creativity. Kinda cool.

I'm The Apiary's Honey Shot

...which just goes to remind me I have not done stand up since December of 2007. Anyway, it's an honor! Thanks Apiary Keith! And thanks to Bryan for taking the picture.

"How Do You Feel About Your Mother?" By Elizabeth McQuern, With Julianna Forlano and Nellie Ann

Shot last night in about an hour. From raw idea to online clip in under 24 hours!

Based on the stand up comedy of Julianna Forlano. With Julianna Forlano and Nellie Ann.

Video, music, and editing by Elizabeth McQuern.

Julianna Forlano -
http://juliannaforlano.com/

Nellie Ann -
http://writeymcwritealot.blogspot.com/

Nellie's Mom Gets Crafty

Hey, everyone, my dear Nellie's Mom Nancy is doing a big craft sale (click on the banner at left to check out her goods). It's been a tough week for the Huggins family, as Nellie's paternal grandma passed away, so I thought it would be nice to help Mrs. Huggins promote her handmade goods.

How a lady with nine kids and countless grandkids can even find the time to be creative is beyond me. She must be quite a dynamo. Good luck with your sale, Mrs. H!

When Worlds Collide - My First Real Bike Crash!

I guess it had to happen sooner or later. First off, I'm fine. No one was hurt. And before the comments start coming in, yes, my roommates both said "it's going to rain, take the bus, idiot," before I left, but I'd been cooped up inside writing most of the day and I wanted to do something really physical.

Last night I was biking home in the rain at about 9:00 from DePaul after taping Carrie's stand up set there and, steaming my way through an intersection (Broadway and maybe Addison? I was already off track and disoriented), when I was swept up by the wind, almost got knocked into the road, skidded hard, and was thrown into a parked car. I banged my arm pretty hard stopping myself but wasn't really hurt, just really, really scared. I was totally out of control for a second, and really thought I was going to hit the street and get run over. I walked past the car and gestured "your car is fine" to the dude sitting inside, and his body language was all "I don't care about the car, are you okay?" He looked as scared as I felt. I was a little panicky and disoriented for a few minutes afterward but I'm fine now.

Funny, while it was happening, I was totally terrified and thinking "my mom will be so sad if something happens to me, and who will love my cats if I die?, and I hope I said something extra sweet to Bryan last time I saw him," -- yet also had enough time in my brain to get annoyed and think "of course this would happen today, the very day I write a long post for Metblog Chicago called '10 Reasons to Bike Chicago More.' I'd better not die because I'm sure they'll mention that conveniently ironic fact in the Trib - 'Local Comedy Producer, Bike Enthusiast Killed The Very Day She Blogged About How Swell Cycling in Chicago Is' and that would really tick me off."

Law School, Mexican Restaurants, and More Chicago Comedy

MMmmmmbusy. Wrote "10 Reasons to Bike More in Chicago" for Metblog.

Also been busy defending Chicago's independent arts scene.

Bryan debuted at the Lodge and I filmed and edited his set for him. Then there was another Blewtenanny, hosted by Bryan and featuring several of my friends (I also filmed and edited):



I'm going to DePaul tonight to film a set by Carrie Callahan, for whom I am also helping develop a press packet and other promotional materials. Melissa is a partner on that project, which is the best of both worlds: creative work for someone I adore and whose talent I really believe in.

I just got my first assignment for a magazine that covers Hispanic restaurants and food, and I might begin writing for a publication by the law school of one of the big universities here.

I staggered to the gym today for a little healthy stress burnoff along with my iron-pumping boyfriend and then ran to the Mexican grocery store in my 'hood, where everything is considerably cheaper than at Jewel, crammed myself full of a spinach broccoli tofu apple salad with sweet potatoes, and now I want to nap. Instead, I'm back to work finishing something else. How are you?

Chicago Underground Comedy Highlights, May 6, 2008

Video, music, editing, and candy-bringing by me. Featuring Fay Canale, The Puterbaugh Sisters, Mike and Duane, Paul Thomas, Allison Leber, Mike Wiley, and Hannibal Buress:



Highlights: Hannibal Buress suggests that Reverend Wright is Hillary Clinton in excellent "Norbit" style makeup, Fay Canale's cat likes to bring her fancy presents, the Puterbaugh Sisters want your dangly parts in their wet parts, Mike and Duane will rap your panties off with their ditty "LDC," where they talk about little dick pride, Paul Thomas invites lady athletes to show some ovaries, Allison Leber's PMS drives her to strange eating patterns and weeping at the emotional content of porn, Mike Wiley wouldn't be upset at being chased by a reverse centaur, Paul Thomas reiterates that being tall does not make him older than you, and Hannibal questions the necessity of Chicago's big shiny bean.

This Week's Don't Spit The Water's Winner Is...NELLIE!

I dragged Nellie and Teresa to Bryan's show Don't Spit the Water Saturday night, and guess who ended up being a contestant and winning the whole she-bang? Our favorite baby nanny, the bodacious and loquacious Nellie Bells!

There she is at left, sandwiched between Bryan's Blewt-themed timekeeping clock and a thumbs-upping Sasha.

Nellie is officially full-on in Chicago now. She rides her bike to work every day like the urban hipster she's rapidly evolving into, and got a schmancy new hairdo and everything.

Westward-Moving Young Woman, Last Seen in North Chicago Area

Remember me talking about my darling niece Melissa's westward trek toward Los Angeles? Well, it turns out she's adjusted her trajectory a bit and is going to end up in San Francisco around August instead.

Yes, selfishly, I am still a little bit distressed, since Melissa has been my BFF since I moved to Chicago. She helped me settle in, and was there to prod and poke and support me in my biggest moments. We shot silly sketches together. She filmed my Second City show. She helped me sell my stage fright and was there for my first open mic and my first real showcase. We jaunted to Garfield Park Conservatory, wrote terrible music together, took Wisconsin vacations, and she helped me promote Chicago Underground Comedy with her video skills.

But I know it's time for her to spread her wings, and I know she'll find success and happiness in San Francisco. I encourage you to check in with her Destination San Fran blog, which shows off both her visual design skills and her poignant wit. She shows her stripes as a Montessori kid every day of her life, by teaching herself more and more software, more design skills, and more ways to express her boundless creativity.

CJ Sullivan at Chicago Underground Comedy April 29 2008

One last clip from this week's show, from one of our favorite regular guests (and that night's feature act), CJ Sullivan. We gave him a longer set and I had to cut this clip down to ten minutes so I could post it on YouTube. It was sort of a pain in the butt to edit because there was so much good stuff in there and it was hard to decide what to leave out. CJ, you rock the stage. We love you.



And hey, while I'm here, my favorite CJ Blerds video."Mr. Sullivan, I think we've got your bag here. Didn't really come across any business papers, but I did find three notebooks full of fart jokes and a slide whistle, is that what you're talking about?"

Yes, I Should Definitely Be Doing More Productive Things

Boy, I haven't done this in awhile! Recent google searches and referring URL's that led people (who were surely disappointed) to my blog:

Ike Barinholtz image search - yes, I wrote about him once. Thanks to my friend Justin, who's pals with Ike, I interviewed Ike once. And yes, he looks very nice with no shirt. But I borrowed that image from some other web site. Why does google want people to come to me for this stuff?

hippo nudle - I don't even know what that is.

Naked Valentine's Day - I got flowers and lip gloss from my darling boyfriend. That was the extent of my blogging on the subject. Hopefully there is no internet video floating around.

Fay Dunaway's crazy ranting voicemail. Yep, I wrote about that once. But I don't host that file.

Chicago Magazine's list of excellent web sites - aw, stop, you're making me blush.

"bella rosaa" blog - so close!

Joseff of Hollywood jewelry - yes, he was my great uncle, and he designed some very pretty things for some very pretty ladies, including Rita Hayworth (at left, wearing one of his necklaces), Vivien Leigh, Bette Davis, Garbo, Dietrich -- let's just save our breath and say all of Hollywood's legendary beauties.

"Elizabeth McQuern" - hi! Yep, here I am. Hello, curious person at the Tribune company. How are you?

"national geographic society room 272" - Now this one is funny. I wrote about this because someone who read my blog was identified as reading me from there, and presumably this person is doing the same thing. I don't know any more than you do, pal! Lemme know if you find out anything interesting.

Hey, Nasty!

Bryan found this on the microwave at the school where he teaches. Teresa keeps saying "Hey, Nasty," in a voice like Cleveland from Family Guy.

I keep saying "Do not use the microwave if you can't clean up your behind!"

On a related note, I love passive-aggressivenotes.com.

New Chicago Underground Comedy Blog

As if I don't manage enough output, I just kickstarted the Chicago Underground Comedy blog. Why not take all my production blather about ChUC and put it together with the video clips I edit and posts from our comedians as well?

I'm sure I can prod them each to post once a month before they hit the stage, right? And maybe our regular guest comedians, as well. No big deal.

Or maybe I can threaten to ghostwrite for them if they won't do it themselves. "Dear ChUC Blog, I love you. Do you like my jokes? I hope I am funny. Signed, Danny Telfer."

Dear My Former Apartment Building, Give Me My Vacuum Cleaner and Other Belongings Back

Dear My Former Apartment Building,

Hi, thanks so much for being my home for my first three years in Chicago. You've been swell. I consider that $25,000 to have been well spent. As you may remember, I was a pretty scared and wide-eyed small-town girl when I fell into your arms. You were so friendly and secure, with a 24-hour door staff, and controlled access to the building. I always felt safe with you and I appreciate how nice you were to my mom when she came to live with me for a month while I had surgery last year.

However, please note that since I moved most of my stuff out of there 6 weeks ago, I didn't feel compelled to return your calls about scheduling the freight elevator, and felt secure in returning yesterday (the last day my lease was paid up to) to gather my last few remaining things. I did not expect to walk into an unlocked apartment, windows wide open, screens lifted, lights on, and several of my personal belongings GONE. Not did I expect a shitty, defensive response on the phone when I called you from my apartment to inform you that my apartment was wide open and my vacuum cleaner was gone. "What are you saying?" I'll repeat it: "The door was unlocked and my vacuum cleaner is gone." Don't worry, I'll call you back today and we'll get this all settled.

And no, I didn't leave the door unlocked. As I said before, I have not been there for about a month, and the paperwork I found on the floor clearly indicates that you did a walk-through after that, so it sure as hell wasn't me who left the door unlocked and allowed anyone with access to the building access to my personal property. F*** you. I want my vacuum cleaner back.