I took a ninety-minute shore trail walk last night with a friend, talking like mad the whole way. The fresh air must have done strange things to my mind, because I had the weirdest series of dreams I've had in a long time.
#1 - I was a caretaker in a Mexican orphanage (despite speaking no Spanish). A sick Lex Luthor was there, incognito, and I was trying to make him well while fending off his enemies (and yet not letting him know I knew who he was) and take care of six little Mexican kids at the same time. Then Diego Luno showed up, and took over my shift.
#2 - I was watching a bootleg video of Britney Spears'
birthday party, wherein she rode around a big pool in her backyard on a
retro-style pink bike with her infant son in her lap (no bike seat or
anything), while her stupid relatives and friends stood around eating
pigs in a blanket and talking about how pretty Britney was as she
bike repeatedly into large potted plants. Then I was not watching a
video, but present at the event, and I noticed that brilliant Britney
had hired wild animals to sit around her vast, over-landscaped back
yard to amuse the partygoers. There was a lion with three cubs, two
cougars, and two black bears. I was just beginning to think what
incredibly bad nouveau-riche judgement this was when a cougar launched
onto the leg of a girl standing next to me. She screamed in terror and
I bonked the cougar on the head and pulled the girl inside the house,
where I spent the rest of the dream keeping black bears out of the
house and protecting my cat Calpurnia, who was mysteriously also a
guest at the party.
#3 - Then I was in a tourist attraction cave with my mom and two other family
members, near the top, when the roof started to cave in. I yelled
quickly that everyone needed to get out, and we ran toward the exit,
practically carrying my mom. As we approached the entrance I looked
back and realized three little children had been trampled in the panic,
and my mom grabbed a bike pump and we restored them to perfect health.
I also picked up a lost little toddler girl named Ebony who was
carrying two little plastic ponies, and kept her calm until we got her
returned her to her mother. As it turned out, her mother had dropped
her off and left her there for the whole day, and had no idea of the
roof collapse, and so never said "Thank you" to me, which made me
angry. When we got outside, we were at a gas station where people
traded in their cars for old trail horses, and we rode them home.
Maybe I'm developing a savior complex. Or I need to adopt a Mexican orphan. In any case, "whuh??"