April 11, 2006

Men Are Idiots, Part 245987

I Leering_wolf_1thought the homeless men fighting over the appropriateness of touching/not touching my hair was the pinnacle of street harassment for the season. But apparently spring brings out the lecherous perv in everyone, and things are just getting warmed up.

Yesterday I stepped out the back door at work, where I startled a
lone man walking past. He was Johnny-On-The-Spot with an attractive
consumer offer, though. He dangled something shiny at me: "Wanna buy a
fine lady's watch?" I laughed a "No, thanks," and, even as I closed the
door, heard him say "How about you give me your number, fine lady?"

This morning while walking to work, three or four different men hung
out of the window of their cars as they drove past or in front of me,
to leer and smile. It's not like I was vamping it up. I was in a
less-than-suggestive long black coat, shuffling along in scruffy jeans
and tennies, with no makeup on, and my hair flying every which way.

Today I was biking around near the beach trail, looking like a
tomato (yeah, sunburnt already, and overheated with exertion), and
sporting my extra sexy "Girls Love Dirt" biking socks (black, and even
hotter than they sound). Along the way, several men made jackass noises
and overtures. I was seriously starting to wonder if I had ripped my
shirt and was unknowingly enticing passersby with a little peep show.
Of course I wasn't. And, as I have to keep reminding myself, it doesn't
matter what I'm wearing or how I'm presenting myself.

What the freak? I know I'm new to urban life and all that, and I'm
still learning about the rules of public conduct, but I'm getting a
little sick of this crap. Anybody know a nice, affordable bodyguard I
could walk around with? Like those nice beefy ones the Olsen Twins use
as shopping bag carriers. I want one of those.

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