Sometimes, at the end of a really busy day (especially when I'm contemplating the next day's 16-hour work day) my mind turns over several thoughts repeatedly, perhaps in a sickly effort to make sense of things. On the long train ride home I couldn't focus enough to read, but couldn't stop thinking, either. Here's what was on my mind on the way home tonight.
#1. Is it unethical for a cabbie to ask a passenger to go to the movies? Or just icky? I'm going with icky for now. I really need to work on hip, urban detachment and bitchface. I'm really tired of strangers getting friendly with me.
#2. When a person with a bad knee sprints up the stairs at a train station to catch a train, nearly knocking down some elderly Asians along the way, only to have the doors close in her face and the train speed off without her, is the look on the face of the young man inside the train who is attentively watching her experience amusement, pity, or schadenfreude? I think it was pity. Thanks, dude. The look on your face as I yelled the F-word kind of softened the blow a little bit.
#3. Realization: If I spent as much time actually doing things as I spend contemplating them, categorizing all the ways I'd screw things up if I tried, tallying all the personal faults which would keep me from being successful, and wincing with the mental replay of the particular way I'd fail and embarrass myself, I'd be incredibly accomplished. (Wait...is psyching myself out of even trying things a talent? If so, I'm the world fricking champion.)
#4. Didn't I see that tall red-haired guy yesterday morning on the train heading in the other direction? I'm pretty sure I did.
#5. I am really enjoying fruit lately. I've slowly outgrown some really bad long-term dietary habits in the last few years, and I've eased into a new, better nutritional pattern. Not that I don't dip a a fry in mayo when I feel like it, but I eat a lot of fresh veggies and fruit. Fruit has become something of an indulgence these days, and with a grocery store just a few blocks from my apartment, I tend to make daily trips to the produce department, and try different things each time I shop. Yesterday I had a tangerine that made my mouth sing with citric happiness. I was so hungry on the train on the way home today that I started fantasizing about mangoes.
Told you it was random. Did I warn you it would also be boring? Sorry.