July 29, 2006

What Would Jesus Do? (If He Were Mel Gibson)

Apparently, Jesus would get shit-faced
, get behind the wheel of a 2006 Lexus, drive like a jackass, get pulled over, call a female officer "sugar tits," call the arresting deputy a "motherf*cker," threaten to "f*ck" him, on account of The Lamb of God "owning Malibu" and being willing to spend all of His money to "get even" with that deputy.

The Anointed One would then rant about the "f*cking Jews," who "are responsible for all the wars in the world," and then ask the deputy whether he was a Jew.

Malibu Then, the Temporal Incarnation of the Logos would, when asked to enter the deputy's patrol car, run back to His Lexus in an attempt to evade arrest.

The Messiah would then be taken to the Malibu/Lost Hills Police Station, where He would get violent with a poorly functioning telephone, scream loudly to be allowed to urinate, post $5000 bail, and then release an unconvincing public apology, because Our Lord is apparently a drunk crazy racist asshole.

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