*"So then after the guy hit me in the shins with his fender, he rolled his eyes before he got out of his car to feign concern for my well-being."
*A mother, three times the size of her child, after grabbing her daughter roughly by the arm and staring her bug-eyed in the face: "It's not what you said. It's how you said it. Now say it again." Frightened little daughter: "I love you."
*Teenage boy, after stepping onto an admittedly pee-smelling El train: "It smells like my Grandma's ass in here."