"Have you ever bashed your aunt in the face with a door?"

Sloan's take on our recent comedy venture: "...it was quite a close call, I assure you. Her eyelashes fluttered in

the breeze, eyes saucer-wide with terror, and had the gale not rocked her back on her heels ever so slightly, she would now be sans jawbone. Today’s valuable lesson: when propelling massive objects at maximum speed in the general vicinity of people’s faces, take the square root of the force used to chuck the object in their direction divided by the denominator of the Cartesian coordinates of their longitudinal position minus three times the length of their proboscis over pi, and put some goddamn tape on the floor to mark where they should stand to avoid certain death...The upside? The camera was rolling the entire time, so get ready for some spectacular outtakes."

In other words, my darling niece, in her directorial zeal, almost bashed me in the sniffer but good, which would have been regrettable, and yet will make for some high-larious comedy outtakes, once we get things edited and up.

Yeah, I'm that kind of aunt. The cool kind, who's close to you in age, more like a sister you didn't grow up with. The aunt who will gargle miserable vodka tonics with you when you're suffering boy troubles, who has a purse full of gum when you have bad breath, who encourages your creative explorations to the point that she's willing to act the fool in your comedy film and offer up her unbroken, pristine (if slightly freckled) nose in an offering to your demanding muse.