#1. My new dentist and his receptionist/assistant are really nice. My dentist told me that I have "tiny" teeth. He also has a really cool fake swimming fishies thing up against the window in his office, which are pleasantly mesmerizing. They also have a little lollipop tree, but even after 18 mouth x-rays, didn't offer me one, which makes me pout. I am immature.
#2. Now that Becky and Fay are moving, I'm the shortest person in Chicago comedy, except for that 12 year old Dave Odd put up a few weeks ago. (I'm assuming. He might be a tall 12 year old.)
#3. I was looking at Blewt! footage of Impress These Apes shows, and I realized that in the beginning of Brady Novak's "Fattest Man in the World," you can see me in a Cubs hat running in front of the camera after a potty break. This was before I learned how to run backstage at iO when I need to use the can. (Thanks to TimeOut Chicago comedy editor Steve Heisler for that tip.)
#4. When I'm transcribing interviews for work, and I'm playing back at half-speed, I sound drunk and stupid, and my interviewees sound condescending and annoyed.
#5. I have these things on the valves on my bike tires called Tireflys. They blink and flicker as you ride to let CTA buses know you're there, so they don't kill and splatten you. (Shut up, spellcheck, I know splatten isn't a word, but I like it.) It actually says on the package "Not legal for street use in some states," like I've pimped up a Camaro with illegal red lights or something. It also says "Never look directly at Tireflys," which is ridiculous and impossible. Every night when I get home from an after dark ride, I have little patterns of blinking blue stuff in my field of vision for several hours. I'm probably going blind, one little Tirefly-enhanced bike ride at a time.