Dear My Former Apartment Building, Give Me My Vacuum Cleaner and Other Belongings Back

Dear My Former Apartment Building,

Hi, thanks so much for being my home for my first three years in Chicago. You've been swell. I consider that $25,000 to have been well spent. As you may remember, I was a pretty scared and wide-eyed small-town girl when I fell into your arms. You were so friendly and secure, with a 24-hour door staff, and controlled access to the building. I always felt safe with you and I appreciate how nice you were to my mom when she came to live with me for a month while I had surgery last year.

However, please note that since I moved most of my stuff out of there 6 weeks ago, I didn't feel compelled to return your calls about scheduling the freight elevator, and felt secure in returning yesterday (the last day my lease was paid up to) to gather my last few remaining things. I did not expect to walk into an unlocked apartment, windows wide open, screens lifted, lights on, and several of my personal belongings GONE. Not did I expect a shitty, defensive response on the phone when I called you from my apartment to inform you that my apartment was wide open and my vacuum cleaner was gone. "What are you saying?" I'll repeat it: "The door was unlocked and my vacuum cleaner is gone." Don't worry, I'll call you back today and we'll get this all settled.

And no, I didn't leave the door unlocked. As I said before, I have not been there for about a month, and the paperwork I found on the floor clearly indicates that you did a walk-through after that, so it sure as hell wasn't me who left the door unlocked and allowed anyone with access to the building access to my personal property. F*** you. I want my vacuum cleaner back.