April 10, 2008

Do Not Want

Dear Google,

You are awesome. You and I have been pals since way back in college, when I did a PR internship at my internet service provider. I knew you even before the days when you started providing Yahoo with all its search engine functions.

And I think it's so cool that you're always diversifying the range of services you offer, like Google Reader and Google Maps, and I will say right now that I love Google Docs almost more than my Mac itself.

However, please stop sending me e-mails like the one in the picture I took of my BlackBerry. I try to remain open to new experiences, and I'm not judgmental about you or your lifestyle choices, but I'm just not up for trying Google Anal, and certainly not at 9:50 on a Wednesday night.


P.S. I think it's a little disingenuous of you to tout anal as a "new option." I'm pretty sure the Greeks were doing it a loooooong time before you came along.


QuietRebelWriter said...

Wow. Who knew Google would expand into sexual activity? I guess they really are taking over the world :)

Dale said...

I can't wait to see the cartoon way they'll spell it when there's an official Google anal day!

Dewidiot said...

Actually most greek man on man was "betwixt the legs" meaning the rubbed it out between the other mans closed legs. I feel really gross that I know that. Also, does that mean that the butthole was some sort of new discovery? Or was it just too gross without brazillian waxing and instant showers.... Why am I still talking about this?



Elizabeth McQuern said...

QRW - I know. And to think they were once just a simple search engine. I'm glad they're expanding into healthcare and sexual matters. I'm looking foward to Google Birth Control ("I'm feeling lucky").

Dale - good point! I forgot they do a lot of custom graphics stuff. Fourth of July, Halloween, Google Anal...

Dewidiot - you are a font of human sexual history. Is this because of that awesome sex ed teacher you had? The one who refused to explain what a queef was?

Coaster Punchman said...

While I am well versed in the art of Google Anal, I have not yet had a chance to try Google Docs. Thanks Bella!

Grant Miller said...

What do you expect from a company that promises to do no harm.