The eBay Auction of Elizabeth McQuern's Stage Fright FAQ

Run this by me again?

I’m selling my stage fright on eBay, so I can finally start doing stand-up comedy here in Chicago. Here's the two minute video clip made to accompany the auction.

Are you funny? Funny enough to make a roomful of strangers laugh?

I’ve never done anything like this before, so I guess we’ll find that out together.

Are you going to become a hugely famous and successful comedian, and will my name therefore always be associated with your glory and renown?

Yes. At this point, it’s absolutely guaranteed. So don’t be a fool – bid now, and bid well beyond your means! Hitch your wagon to my star forever, with one simple click!

If you’ve never performed, what exactly is your background in comedy?

I see and write about a lot of shows and am friends with lots of sketch, improv, and stand-up comedy folks here in Chicago. I’m about to stage my Level Five writing sketch comedy show, “Brazilian Wax Museum,” at The Second City, where I’ve been working through the comedy writing program at the Training Center for over a year. I’m also editor and writer for The Bastion, a really fun website that covers the underground Chicago comedy scene, and is part of a network of sites including New York City’s The Apiary, and Los Angeles’ The Coming.

What kind of person do you think will bid on your stage fright?

The kind of person who shares my sense of wonder at the potential effects of following through with weird little inspirations like this. And, ideally, the kind of person who takes baths in liquid gold, burps silver dollars, and sleeps on a glittering bed of diamonds.

Is this going to be a one-time thing with stand-up?

No. Once I’ve gotten myself over this speed bump of getting onstage for the first time, I’m going to continue performing stand-up in Chicago, at least twice a week, and will be documenting my experiences on Bella Rossa, with writing, photos, and videoblogging. If you’re interested in where things go from here, you’ll be able to follow my development online.

How the heck did you come up with this idea?

Sloan Taylor and I came up with it together. Chicago winters are rough. Sometimes, during blizzards, creative people eat pizza and brainstorm crazy stuff like this rather than going all Donner Party on each other.

If this goes well, are you going to sell other things on eBay?

Yes. Next up on the auction block will be my asthma, my nearsightedness, and my tendency to mispronounce the word “décolletage.” It’s an Elizabeth fire sale! Everything about me must go!

Was that a bird or a plastic baggie that just flew by my window?

I don’t know. I’m not actually in the room with you. Why are you still reading this? Go make some toast.