Technological Difficulties, Lack of Proper Social Stimulation

If someone could explain to me why it takes a full hour for iMovie to put a letterbox I didn't specify around recently imported Canon HD footage, I would be ever so grateful.

And if anyone could advise me on why Gmail is not allowing me to add to the Chicago Underground Comedy e-mail list in any of the six thousand different ways I'm trying to do that, that would be swell.

Also, if any of my readers could help me find the 15 minutes of Prescott's footage for his Comedy Central thing that apparently turned to digital dust on my hard drive, never to be seen again, that would go a long way toward preventing me from hurling myself out the window right now.

I'm really stressed right now. I need a hug. Oh, wait, what?

"ERROR MESSAGE 987243: The hug so desperately needed by your oxytocin-deficient brain cannot be located on this machine. Please proceed to the nearest likely place to find a partner suitable for engaging in hugging and other oxytocin-boosting activities, including kissing, fondling, and sex."

Thanks a lot. Now I have to get drunk and to go Berlin.

Oh, No, Sprint Di'Int!

In the last two days I've spent six and a half hours on the telephone trying to get set up to use my new Blackberry with my new service provider, Sprint. Transferred from one person to another, one department to another, one heavily-accented nation to another.

Six and a half hours I could have spent working on urgent projects and earning some dough.

And I still don't have e-mail on my phone. You'd better make this up to me, Sprint.

I am cranky.

iLife '08 Can Bite Me

The iLife '08 upgrade is getting my Irish up. And I'm not even all that Irish.

Here's my knee-jerk review of that of the '08 upgrade that I've experienced so far: Garage Band looks slightly different, and maybe has a few new loops in it. I will say right now, if the $500 weren't an obstacle, I'd get the Garage Band loop bonus package tomorrow, with thousands more loops, and I'd disappear in Garage Band like a lonely little turtle into a shimmering pond. None of you would see my face for weeks -- but then I'd emerge, beyond the pale (if I may) and perhaps a little lacking in muscle tone and social skills, but sharing of musical gifts so awesome, none of you would begrudge me a few missed pre-arranged social obligations.

iMovie, however, is like an entirely different program post-upgrade, and I don't actually know how to make a damn movie with it any more. I spent all day out on my bike getting footage for a new project, and hunched over my MacBook writing some new music, and iMovie with the '08 upgrade is severely hindering my creativity.

I seriously hate this right now. I just want to edit, in a way consistent with what the program was before, a quick little urban bioclip, and this upgrade is making every one of my instincts moot. What the hell? I can't speed up clips and boost the contrast? Please don't do all the thinking for me, program, I had this figured out before. CRAP!

I need an Apple tutor. I know this glorious little white machine can help me bring more beauty to the masses, but I need a few pointers between here and there.