I am feeling down today.
Maybe I shouldn't be. Things are going well. People observing my life from the outside are saying "Wow, you're kicking ass!"
But I am feeling drained and sort of absent from my own experience. I've been tough on myself lately in a way I thought I was growing out of. I feel like I'm working really hard and not letting myself enjoy the rewards.
I've also been reading too much detail about upsetting recent news stories, which just makes me feel tremendously sad for the suffering of others. Hopeless. Powerless. Today I read about a little girl whose life has been changed forever in China's earthquakes and the pictures just made me burst into tears. I seem to be going through yet another period of stringent self-examination and yet another round of "what am I doing with my life?"
The questions are, "What am I doing with my life, and what should I be doing differently? Am I forgetting something? Am I letting the clock run out on things I'll regret not having done? Why am I immune to the enjoyment of my own accomplishments? How is it still my default response to let praise bounce off my armor? What am I doing wrong?"
As of yet, no answers.
For now, this photo of 75,000 Obama supporters in Portland, Oregon makes me feel better.
Yes, Obama, yes!
Pics from here and here.