May 19, 2008

Hope

I am feeling down today.

Maybe I shouldn't be. Things are going well. People observing my life from the outside are saying "Wow, you're kicking ass!"

But I am feeling drained and sort of absent from my own experience. I've been tough on myself lately in a way I thought I was growing out of. I feel like I'm working really hard and not letting myself enjoy the rewards.

I've also been reading too much detail about upsetting recent news stories, which just makes me feel tremendously sad for the suffering of others. Hopeless. Powerless. Today I read about a little girl whose life has been changed forever in China's earthquakes and the pictures just made me burst into tears. I seem to be going through yet another period of stringent self-examination and yet another round of "what am I doing with my life?"

The questions are, "What am I doing with my life, and what should I be doing differently? Am I forgetting something? Am I letting the clock run out on things I'll regret not having done? Why am I immune to the enjoyment of my own accomplishments? How is it still my default response to let praise bounce off my armor? What am I doing wrong?"

As of yet, no answers.

For now, this photo of 75,000 Obama supporters in Portland, Oregon makes me feel better.

Yes, Obama, yes!

Pics from here and here.

11 comments:

K-Rock said...

sweetie.... :( i seem to be going thru a little of the same myself these days. i actually forceably knocked myself off the grid recently (well, mostly). just to get a little perspective. take some time to evaluate. take some of that ever-blessed "me time". let's get a beer and chat soon.

QuietRebelWriter said...

Urgh. I had this too recently. It's frustrating and exhausting, and I hope you gain perspective when you need it. I'm always available for a e or live chat too.

Dale said...

When I feel like this, I knock old people down, laugh and go on. Everything's so overwhelming at times isn't it? They usually get back up, it's okay.

Elizabeth McQuern said...

Aw, KRock and QRW, how sweet of both of you. I'm going to take you both up on your offer for a girl chat. You guys are awesome and that already has made me feel better. And Dale, you, too, are full of inspiration. I'm going to go knock down the first old person I see. Maybe two of them!

Ken said...

"The questions are, "Why am I immune to the enjoyment of my own accomplishments? How is it still my default response to let praise bounce off my armor?"

I think this means that you're a humble, hard-working gal. A lot of passionate people with vision ask the same things of themselves.

Sometimes artists are so focused on what's next that we forget to celebrate our past accomplishments. Other times we're so focused on where we want to be, that we get impatient and forget that we are where we are for a reason - to learn and experience.

Don't let it get you down, girl. You're doing some great work and you are a true person.

Nice weather shouldn't hurt either.

Elizabeth McQuern said...

Wow, thank you, Ken, how incredibly sweet of you to say. That means a lot to me.

And I thought you were just a tall angry, tattooed, drunken mouse. Shame on me for pigeonholing you. (Mouseholing you?)

Nellie Ann said...

Welcome to the world of being creative, sensitive and empathic. It can be daunting.

I realize that it took me a couple days to respond, but that's because I didn't want to come off as tooooo big of a hippie....you know.

But seriously, just quit thinking. Live in the moment and enjoy your life. It could be worse - you could be in Indiana. Or even worse, Rockford.

Ken said...

Indiana and Rockford are both terrible places to live. But fitting places to die.

Here's a good article that touches on some of the previous topics. I don't know how to link things, so you'll just have to cut and paste. Enjoy!

http://discussionleader.hbsp.com/erickson/2008/04/the_dark_lining_of_gen_ys_clou.html

Ken said...

http://discussionleader.hbsp.com/erickson/2008/04/the_dark_lining

sorry, it got cut off

Ken said...

I hate technology.

Here's the end of the link after the erickson part.

2008/04/the_dark_lining_of_gen_ys_clou.html

Sorry for cluttering up your blog with broken hyperlinks and failure, Elizabeth

Elizabeth McQuern said...

Ken! That sort of self-talk is not very loving. I must insist that you hug yourself right now.

For interested parties, here's the link. "Why So Many Gen Ys Feel Overwhelmed."