November 26, 2008

Dear Trolls: Hating Me Doesn't Make Faggots Ungay, or a Black President White

There are a few readers of my blog who pop in occasionally to obsessively read me (though they seem to hate me) and/or leave vaguely-to-extremely negative or passive-aggressive comments which -- when are you going to figure this out? -- I'm never going to publish. (For those of my friends warning me not to publish this post, you should see some of these comments. They range from annoying to disturbing.)

Obviously, you don't like me. I don't know why, because you don't know me, you just read my blog. Maybe I've been making it easier on you lately because I openly admire our President-Elect. Yeah, what a horrible bitch I am, feeling energizing hope and love for my country, and more connected to my fellow citizens through the influence of my state's Senator, and now our President-Elect, Barack Obama. (Yeah, he's our PRESIDENT now, pretty great, huh? Say it with me: PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA. He's your President, too. How about that?)

Elizabeth McQuern at Chicago Prop 8 ProtestOr maybe you hate me because, though I'm a certified hetero myself, I love the faggots and the dykes, and I keep talking about how I'm marching for their rights and whatever. Yeah, I said it. HOMOSEXUALS. They are in my family (gasp!) and in my circle of friends (clutch the pearls!) and I CARE ABOUT THEIR RIGHTS. AND I LOVE THEM. DEAL.

Seriously. Why do you keep coming back? Why do you give a shit? Hating me doesn't make faggots ungay, or make a black President white, if that's what you're going for. Newsflash #1 - I'm nobody, in the grand scheme of things. And you, commenting anonymously and angrily on my blog...what does that make you?

News flash #2 - I know who you are. A) I have a Sitemeter, and B) I'm not an idiot. I know your ISP address, your country, your city, the business or university you are associated with, blah blah et cetera. You're not invisible.

News flash #3 - You can read my blog to your heart's content, but I will continue to delete your comments, and I just wanted to acknowledge that YOU ARE BEING OBSERVED AS WELL, and that you are kind of a pussy.

Wanna make it more fair? How about you send me a link to your blog, which features your real name, where you honestly share thoughts and ideas and talk about things that are really important to you, so you're not just some anonymous coward. No? Don't have the balls? Didn't think so.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Kristy Mangel said...

DAMN GIRL. this side of you is making me feel all sorts of funny....... hey, what are you doing later? eh? nudge, nudge... *AHH-WINK*!

Flo said...

Ha ha! Love it!

Unknown said...

Hear Hear! I also love me some gayness and invite any of your mouth-breathing idiot readers to come harass me online or attend a show of mine and do it in person.
It'll be fun!

Happy Ramadan,

James Fritz

Unknown said...

I would pay good money to see James Fritz vs. The Mouth Breathers.

Esther said...

All right!!! Good for you, Elizabeth. The downside of the Internet is that it enables people to act like jerks with complete anonymity. They say things they'd never have the guts to say face to face. It's amazing that people don't realize you can tell where they come from, where they work or go to school.

Sometimes I think, you know, what can one straight girl do. But just reading what you wrote makes me feel more empowered to keep talking and writing about these issues, to stand up for my friends and people I love who happen to be gay or lesbian. My friends have given me so much, how can I not stand up for them?

Elizabeth McQuern said...

YAY! Thanks you guys. I am still Thanksgiving crazy, so I'm not 100% sure if I should have posted this.

I'm seriously sick of the troll situation, it's making me lose my faith in humanity. And I'm not gonna do that.

JAMES FRITZ LOVES HOMOS, you heard it here, everyone!

And Bella and K-Rock have always existed one hot toddy away from a meaningful, wet kiss!

Also, my HETEROSEXUAL boyfriend loves and defends the queerbios, has large muscles and will punch any fag-haters right here and now.

Also, Esther, HI! Thanks for popping in. You're a friend of Dale's? You rock.

Admiral Neck said...

Kudos on the rant. My own troll (who hates me for dissing January Jones as, at best, a really mediocre actress who looks good through excellent direction and writing on Mad Men) is good enough to link to his blog. It has provided hours of entertainment, so I hope your trolls start to give you some unintentional laughs too.

Anyway, your trolls suck, but at least they're not a actual, God's-honest-truth, total fugitive from the law like another one of our readers (who, just to be contrary, is very nice to us). It's exciting! And more than a little weird.

Hope you don't get angry January Jones fans pestering you now I've said this. They're crazy.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

This post should be required reading for any dickhead who is thinking of posting an anonymous hate-strewn comment on any blog. Bravo!

Nellie said...

I can haz peace?

nora leona said...

Great rant!
It's got me all riled up too.

Curt Purcell said...

One thing I never understand is how trolls like that fail to be ashamed of how patently cowardly their anonymity is. Just keep on, Elizabeth, and whack-a-mole those assholes whenever they pop up.

Elizabeth McQuern said...

Thanks, Admiral Neck, I will watch my mouth for January Jones quips.

Maybe we should post this on Usenet somewhere, IR, to warn trolls.

And thanks, Nellie, Nora, and Curt, for your support and understanding. :)