My New Girl Crush: Diablo Cody

I just read all the way through the blog of Diablo Cody, who wrote "Juno." I haven't even seen the movie but I'm already in love with Diablo, who is 29, a blogger-turned-comedy-screenwriter from Chicago, and is my new role model.

I just e-mailed my Bucket of Nerds co-horts and I was like "read this! She's amazing!" I especially love the way she is making a point of enjoying every part of her success - even the stuff most people whine about, like press junkets and non-stop travel for interviews.

Here's why Diablo still believes in blogging:

"Blogging helped me cultivate a voice in a way," Cody says. "But the thing that is most useful about it is just doing a daily writing exercise. You're using the muscle even as it stagnates in a cubicle or wherever."

Also, "Diablo Cody's Tips On Blogging Your Way To Hollywood Success": "...don't look for a plan. Put your blog out into the world and hope that your talent will speak for itself."

Another ChUC Podcast: Nerd Passion Becomes Rage

From Tuesday night. This is also up on Vocalo, and I spent enough time editing out all the f*bombs that it should be eligible for radio play.

"Post-comedy show chatter is a always a mishmash, but at Chicago Underground Comedy, there are always a lot of passionate nerdy discussions. In this segment: "Lost" theories -- the little-explored "WWII doom scientists" backstory, the "accelerated psychic abilities" theory, who cares who kisses Kate? Jared Logan, Ricky Carmona, and Elizabeth McQuern love Star Trek, but Dan Telfer thinks the hot Borg chick is called "7, 8, 9," and can't get into things his parents were nerds about -- but was still scared by Dr. Who "garbage bags with lizard masks." Jared thinks Star Trek beats Star Wars by a mile. All agree that the final three Star Wars movies ruined the first three. Jared describes George Lucas as a "P.T. Barnum, Henry Ford, anti-semitic piece of crap." And no, the recording isn't skipping, there were lots of f*bombs that needed to be edited out. These are comedians, people."
(6 minutes, 43 seconds - click here to listen.)

Writing, Writing, and More Writing. Also, Vanity Pictures

Where have I been all week? I've hardly blogged at all. Well, I've been writing my tail off, and battling some illness. Minor insomnia and possibly food-related illness. I'll spare you the details. Today I'm chugging Pedialyte and getting lots of sleep.

I just turned in the final draft of my first piece for Chicago Magazine, a snappy little article about comedian Carol Leifer, who will be playing a show at the Lakeshore Theater in August. I spoke to Miss Leifer on the phone and my nerves were immediately soothed by her mega friendliness. I'm so excited to be published in such a well-respected magazine and hope to wrangle more regular assignments from them in the future.

I'm also working on my first piece for Builder/Architect, about a big Chicago-based realty group. It's tough getting some of these busy and super successful realty folks on the phone long enough for a proper interview, but I'm so happy to be working as a writer that I'm appreciating every challenge as a learning experience.

Also this week I published an interview with comedian Aziz Ansari, whose new show "Human Giant" is all over MTV these days. Comedy Central Insider mentioned my article, and I have to say I was really nervous talking to Aziz, up until I asked the question about the little boy he cast as the talent agency president, and then we both relaxed and the whole thing got rolling very nicely. That just goes to show me again that when I follow my instincts and ask about the things I'm really interested in, that's where the gold is, and everyone is happy - me, my interviewee, and my readers. (Do yourself a favor and watch this clip of Bobb'e J. Thompson, a ten year old actor who Aziz calls "the most amazing performer I've ever seen.")

I've also been playing more with my new Mac, totally not figuring out all the graphics stuff I need to do, but having a sick amount of fun with Photo Booth and iMovie. With some of the fancy filters they have, you can take pictures of yourself fresh out of bed in the morning, ungroomed and puffy-eyed, and still look pretty cool! Ah, technology. It's such a tool of vanity.

Bullies, Lina Medina, Capgras Syndrome, and Dogme 95

What do you do when you have insomnia issues? The sheep thing has never worked for me. I read random stuff online. Here's what I read about last night.

From Slate: "A study says 90 percent of third- to sixth-graders have been bullied...bullying and victimization were widespread, as 89.5% of children experienced some form of victimization and 59.0% of students participated in some form of bullying...Bullying has become an epidemic that can harm kids' mental health." What do they mean "become an epidemic?" I don't think this is a recent development in human sociology.

Lina Medina was born September 27, 1933 in Peru. Her son Gerardo was born five years, seven months, and twenty-one days later. Not urban legend.

Second City (Toronto) vet and SNL comedian Tony Rosato has apparently been suffering from Capgras Syndrome,"a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that an acquaintance, usually a spouse or other close family member, has been replaced by an identical looking impostor." According to the Toronto Star, he complained to police that his wife and newborn son had been replaced with false doubles. "Tony told friends he was connected to higher energies and had 'information to save the planet,' says his long-time friend Derek McGrath, who plays Rev. Magee in Little Mosque on the Prairie. Rosato believes he is 'the guardian of light,' adds McGrath, who worked with Rosato at Second City and has supported the beleaguered actor through his legal travails..."

Danish director Lars Von Trier is too depressed to continue with his film career. Or is he faking it? In either case, this list of standards for the Dogme 95 an avant-garde filmmaking movement is interesting.

1. Filming must be done on location.
2. The sound must never be produced apart from the images or vice versa.
3. The camera must be a hand-held camera.
   
4. The film must be in colour. Special lighting is not acceptable.
   
5. Optical work and filters are forbidden.
6. The film must not contain superficial action.
   
7. Temporal and geographical alienation are forbidden.
8. Genre movies are not acceptable.
9. The final picture must be transferred to the Academy 35mm film, with an aspect ratio of 4:3, that is, not widescreen.
10. The director must not be credited.

Alert the Media! More Dumb Comedy!

New City Chicago has published a little article about my eBay stage fright auction.

Current in Carmel is going to feature a bit about it, as well.

Sloan finished editing our first film project (posted below), which was actually shot in October. It's an eight minute comedy film called "Edgewise," in which I play the an annoying, non-stop chatterbox of a roommate who eventually earns the most permanent kind of eviction from Sloan, who just can't take it anymore. (And also almost have my nose smashed to bits in an outtake.)

As a disclaimer, I'd like to mention that I am a writer first, and an actor...only when there aren't any real actors around. The moment you see me on camera in the first scene is literally the first acting I have ever done in my life, evidenced by the nervous, self-conscious smirk I was trying very hard to control, as well as a dumb, cow-like tendency to look directly at the camera. I have much to learn, should I choose to continue on this path of public foolishness.

And, finally, on a proud auntie note, Sloan is making amazing strides with her editing skills. Look at all the schmancy stuff she did with timing the titles to the music. God, this stuff is fun.

The eBay Auction of Elizabeth McQuern's Stage Fright FAQ

Run this by me again?

I’m selling my stage fright on eBay, so I can finally start doing stand-up comedy here in Chicago. Here's the two minute video clip made to accompany the auction.

Are you funny? Funny enough to make a roomful of strangers laugh?

I’ve never done anything like this before, so I guess we’ll find that out together.

Are you going to become a hugely famous and successful comedian, and will my name therefore always be associated with your glory and renown?

Yes. At this point, it’s absolutely guaranteed. So don’t be a fool – bid now, and bid well beyond your means! Hitch your wagon to my star forever, with one simple click!

If you’ve never performed, what exactly is your background in comedy?

I see and write about a lot of shows and am friends with lots of sketch, improv, and stand-up comedy folks here in Chicago. I’m about to stage my Level Five writing sketch comedy show, “Brazilian Wax Museum,” at The Second City, where I’ve been working through the comedy writing program at the Training Center for over a year. I’m also editor and writer for The Bastion, a really fun website that covers the underground Chicago comedy scene, and is part of a network of sites including New York City’s The Apiary, and Los Angeles’ The Coming.

What kind of person do you think will bid on your stage fright?

The kind of person who shares my sense of wonder at the potential effects of following through with weird little inspirations like this. And, ideally, the kind of person who takes baths in liquid gold, burps silver dollars, and sleeps on a glittering bed of diamonds.

Is this going to be a one-time thing with stand-up?

No. Once I’ve gotten myself over this speed bump of getting onstage for the first time, I’m going to continue performing stand-up in Chicago, at least twice a week, and will be documenting my experiences on Bella Rossa, with writing, photos, and videoblogging. If you’re interested in where things go from here, you’ll be able to follow my development online.

How the heck did you come up with this idea?

Sloan Taylor and I came up with it together. Chicago winters are rough. Sometimes, during blizzards, creative people eat pizza and brainstorm crazy stuff like this rather than going all Donner Party on each other.

If this goes well, are you going to sell other things on eBay?

Yes. Next up on the auction block will be my asthma, my nearsightedness, and my tendency to mispronounce the word “décolletage.” It’s an Elizabeth fire sale! Everything about me must go!

Was that a bird or a plastic baggie that just flew by my window?

I don’t know. I’m not actually in the room with you. Why are you still reading this? Go make some toast.

Bloggity Bloggity Bloggity

My e-friend Keith Huang recently interviewed Jon Lovitz for the Apiary, which is the big brother site of my baby the Bastion. Lovitz uses his MySpace blog to answer questions people send in about comedy and acting and showbiz, which I think is fantastic. Jon Lovitz is a landed rich dude. He doesn't have to care about all these kids writing to him for advice, or spend all that time writing his replies, but he does. Good on ya, Lovitz.

Lovitz: "I enjoy helping people because there's so much stuff to know about acting and how it actually works and what you need to do. And there's a lot of misinformation out there, and people don't know what it's really like or the reality of the situation. And I, of course, didn't know anything when I first started. Standup comedy isn't a competition. You're selling your own personality, and it's completely subjective. But it's fun for me to tell people this is how you do it. And there's also satisfaction when years later people will come up to me and tell me that I told them to get into standup and now they're doing it and they've made a career out of it. I'm like, 'Really? You took my advice?' But it feels good that you can help people."

Hey! I've been nominated for Best Individual Blog in the Weblog Awards. (No, I didn't nominate myself.) And yeah, over three hundred others were also nominated, but still. It's cool.

I Can't Stop Laughing At This

A trailer for an upcoming animated feature that's actually a totally separate, live-action project. The bee (Jerry Seinfeld, or his stunt double) taking a dive is the funniest thing I've seen all day.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez Shoots Reese Witherspoon, and I Can't Walk in These Heels

Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I don't know why I dreamt of him last night and woke up thinking about him this morning. I hope it's not one of those "Bella dreams about people, and they die the next day" kind of thing. (Seriously, it has happened. Don't cross my path.) Here's a 1999 New Yorker profile of him. Also, a very cool short live action/animation film, based on a Marquez short story, made by a Colombian friend of mine.

Yesterday Sloan and I actually sat still for a daylong photoshoot with a fun photographer/graphic artist friend she recently met on a video shoot for Josie Aiello. (Actually, he says he's not an artist; I disagree.) We used my apartment, since I have a white couch and a white wall to work with, although I'd forgotten about the egregious mountain bike tire tracks I've somehow managed to smudge across every vertical surface in my home.

I urgently need a decent author photo that doesn't make me cringe with "oh, fug," and doesn't make me look like Deep Frost Robotron 2000, like my current author photo. (That was the cream of the crop of a two hour self-directed photoshoot last May. What can I say? Like any other normal human being, I hate having my photo taken, and by the time I got to that one, I was so irritated that I couldn't fake a smile anymore.)

Reese Witherspoon is a plucky lass (or at least, she plays one on the big screen). Did you know she had it written into her contract that she would keep all 63 pairs of custom-designed Jimmy Choo shoes from Legally Blonde? Really, you 'd have to be dumb not to go for that.

Speaking of which, British design critic Stephen Bayley has said of high heels: "It is the flagrant lack of practicality that makes high-heeled shoes so fascinating: in terms of static mechanics they induce a sort of insecurity which some find titillating...her bottom sticks out like an offering. At the same time, the lofty perch is an expression of vulnerability, she is effectively hobbled and unable to escape. There is something arousing about this declaration that she is prepared to sacrifice function for form."

Rosie O'Donnell to Join "The View"

Maybe she can help keep Star Jones from strangling Joy Behar. Although I personally would find it entertaining if Joy gave Star a beatdown. Anyway, Rosie is going to replace Meredith Vieira on "The View," as Vieira escapes Barbara Walters' clutches and flees to replace Katie Couric on the "Today Show," where she will earn kajillions of dollars and never have to listen to the nonsensical ramblings of Elisabeth Hasselbeck ever again. Good for her.

You Broke Your Little Ships

OMG, they're making a new Star Trek movie set for release in 2008! From Reuters:

The as-yet-untitled "Star Trek" feature, the 11th since
1979, is aiming for a fall 2008 release through Paramount
Pictures, the Viacom Inc. unit looking to restore its
box-office luster under new management, the trade paper said.

Does it seem like William Shatner (L, of course, with Leonard Nimoy) is starting to look like a smug tortoise?

Also, in the spirit of random fun, some random kid playing both Patrick Stewart and Alfre Woodard's parts in the "Captain Picard Freaks Out Over Borg Trauma" scene from "Star Trek:First Contact," which, yes, I have seen a kajillion times.(From a link from the Onion.)

"Robot Chicken" and My Second City Education

Today I'm enjoying some of Seth Green and Matt Seinrich's "Robot Chicken" (I'm all over Cartoon Network fare lately). It's making me appreciate some of the critical comedy thinking skills that my classes at Second City are teaching me.

As much as my friends have long enjoyed mocking me for being overthinky, and outlining underlying structure in entertainment rather than "just enjoying it!", it's part of what I do by nature, and it's what I need to do if I want to actually create comedy eventually. I might be starting to really think like a comedy writer now.

"Clash of context" comedy formats that I've identified on "Robot Chicken" Season One, Disk One so far:

• Superheroes and the Real World MTV environment.



• Jesus and the Kill Bill movies.



• American Idol and Night of the Living Dead.



• C-SPAN and MTV's TRL.



• "Blind Date" and the Alien/Predator characters.



• James Bond and Jewish cliches.



• Popeye character "Wimpy" and the "It's a Wonderful Life" formula.

Oh, my god. There's commentary...gotta watch again.

The Jim Jones Variety Hour

The other night some friends and I were chillin' after a nice Cuban dinner and caught the muted TV, tuned to PBS, out of the corner of our eye. We were mesmerized and puzzled by a musical performance that was absolutely uncatagorizable.

We sat down to watch. We turned the sound on.

"Is this religious? It looks like a cult recruitment video!"

"No, I think it's a children's concert."

"No, it looks Swedish or something."

"The singer looks like Raffi. This is for children."

"No, those giant bunnies would scare the shit out of children."

"This is actually scaring me a little bit. Change the channel."

"What the hell IS this?"

We couldn't look away. We couldn't google it, either. The wireless was on the fritz.

"It's the Jim Jones Jamboree!"
I asserted. 'Don't drink the Kool-Aid, children!" I then offered our
Cuban friends a brief explanation of who Jim Jones was, and the
contemporary meaning of the phrase "Drinking the Kool-Aid."

A song came on. We focused on the lyrics. "This will help us figure this out," we said. We turned on the closed-captioning.

"Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me"

Well, that didn't help.

Then the wireless came back online. We googled. It was the Flaming Lips on Austin City Limits. They, who regaled us with "She Don't Use Jelly" in 1993. Wow. I never would have figured that one out on my own.