Space Princess Calpurnia as a Lolcat

Look what my friend Fuzzy did with my picture of Calpurnia!

Really? Because I'm Pretty Sure The Person Who Copyedited This Ad is the Idiot

Palin Oblivious To Turkey Slaughter

You can see turkeys being dipped headfirst into the head-choppy machine behind her as she talks, seemingly oblivious to the carnage behind her. She's spouting the usual "connected phrases that almost seem linear" verbiage. Also, that cameraman should be fired.

The Chicagoan - The Bastion of Yesteryear ::wink::

This is amazing!! "He quickly realized that he had stumbled upon a Chicago counterpart to the New Yorker that mysteriously had slipped through the cracks of history and memory." The Chicagoan! Why did I have a weird deja vu when I read that? Oh, yeah.

NASA wants you to drink your own pee.

UK local governments are using anti-terror spying abilities to catch people who put out their trash too early and paperboys who ditch rather than deliver advertising circulars. What a great reason to rewrite the law and restrict people's freedoms and privacy!

God's Facebook wall. "Adam is FIRST! You and Adam are now friends."

Bunnies in ice cream cones earrings!

Freestyle Rap Battle, Translated

"In fact, I once had a romantic rendezvous with your biological mother, in which fellatio was performed forthwith and without explanation..." Thanks to Brett for the link.

Not So Fast, There May Be One Lesson I Forgot To Teach You...

My brother who lives on the East Coast sent this to me recently. He saw this in a parking lot somewhere and just had to snap a picture:

Fashion Is Stupid, Example #34534

Sarah Vowell on David Letterman

Sarah Vowell is adorable. She's a little sick of Joe Biden Fever: "I turned on cable news over the weekend, and it was all 'Joe Biden's record on the Senate Judiciary Committee this, and Joe Biden's sponsorship of the Violence Against Women Act that...'"

Fey as Palin at the VP Debate

Mortal Kombat Debates

Okay, this is pretty funny:

Homer Simpson tries to vote for Obama

Obama - Dark, Sweet, and Invigorating

For some weird reason I was up extra early and hit the gym at 7:30 this morning.

Afterward, obeying my urge for a hot cup of cheap coffee, I skipped Starbucks and hit the 7-11, where they were selling Obama and McCain coffee cups.

The Mexican ladies who work there gave me a thumbs up. "Obama!" they said. "Illinois!"

Self-Indulgence With Nunchucks, by David Angelo

Just one more video...my adorable comedian friend David Angelo, in what he calls "Self-Indulgence, part I." Hilarious and impressive at the same time.

"If We Were Charlie Gibson" - Joe and Noah for 23/6

Holy crap, funny.

Heart's Ann and Nancy Wilson to John McCain: Stop Playing Our Song, You Gnarly Old Fart

Surprisingly Clam

"Actress Amanda Holden was shaken last night after discovering a dead body while on a morning jog. Miss Holden said she felt surprisingly clam when she found the body."

I should say so. I'm always surprised to find myself feeling clam. I feel even more surprised when I find myself feeling more than one. They're an unappealing combination of rough and bumpy, and slick and slimy.

The Giant Monolithic Crouton of Doom

There I was, making my obsessive compulsive "identical for the two hundred and sixth day" salad. Wait. No. Who am I kidding? I've been eating this exact salad, with slight variations, for five or six years. My defense is that it's the kind of food I switched to when I decided to stop eating entire one pound bags of M&M's in an obsessive, color-pairing fashion. At least I'm making healthier choices with my neurologically glitchy behavior. Anyway...

First, a fistful of spinach. Full of iron.










Then a healthy sprinkling of broccoli, cabbage, and carrots (they keep one's hair nice and orangey-colored).









Then a glob of fattily delicious real bleu cheese dressing (I don't skimp and use crappy store brand lowfat slimey ranch. There's got to be some pleasure involved in this ordeal).








One shiny red apple, buffed to perfection.










Choppy choppy.










Addy addy.










Then, a few croutons -- whoa! What is this?










The giant monolithic crouton of doom. I'm scared*!

Someone at the crouton factory needs to review their quality inspection procedures.

*No, seriously, I'm scared. I can't eat this crouton. It's in a plastic baggie on a shelf above my sink. I have no idea what to do with it.

Halloween Post #4

I'm beat. Work is going great.

Last night's Halloween show at Chicago Underground Comedy was AWESOME. And, Vocalo, the new offshoot of Chicago Public Radio, wants me to contribute content. Here's what I've done so far. It's a six minute audio clip about last night's show. It includes stage performances, interviews, that darned catchy jingle I wrote for ChUC, and it's a lot of fun. ChUC is taking over the radio, one joke at a time!

Click here to listen.

Point, Click, Erase Human Beings

Remember when you had to use old-fashioned scissors to cut an old boyfriend out of a photo? Now there's the "Tourist Remover."

I wish they had one that actually removed tourists from the vacation environment, though. I was at Schloss Neuschwanstein once, and there were all these annoying German people in my way. If I could have pointed , clicked, and deleted them, that would have made my trek through a Bavarian megalomaniac's castle so much more fun.

Palate Cleanser of Cute

...and, to offset the "ew" nature of my last post, this burblingly adorable pair of chatty, kissy kitties.