Our Universe A "Child of Previous One"

An alternative theory of cosmological evolution posits that we are living in a universe that is very similar to, but not a replica of, one that has been blown apart and reassembled by heavenly forces again and again. In other words, there wasn't just one big bang, there is a series of them, and we are reassembled bits of things that have been united in countless combinations before. Cool.

But I swear that years ago, when I first started reading about this stuff, and obsessively watching Cosmos, this point came across to me from all the info I was gathering. Maybe I took principles about the life cycles (and re-cycles) of the stars and extrapolated them inappropriately without realizing it.

I may have made an intuitive assumption that the current theories didn't actually spell out this conclusion, but which was accurate nonetheless. At any rate, I've been operating on this assumption for some time now. 'Bout time those at slackers at Princeton and Cambridge caught up with my theories.

Jodie Foster Quotes Eminem at Penn State Graduation

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

(Dude, I love Jodie Foster, and I appreciate the spirit of her expression here, but it's kinda like watching your parents dance.)

Ew...the Red Line Is Dirty, As Well As Crazy

This falls under the category of things you rationally know are true, but that you don't really want to see quantified.

We have confirmed that the Red Line is the Crazy Line. It is also the filthy line.

Riders who don't wash their hands between riding the CTA and eating are
potentially at risk for colds, the flu, cold sores and food-related
illnesses, such as salmonella poisoning, Smith said.


"I don't mean to be nosy, but what are you doing?" rider Chiquita
Weatherspoon asked Smith as he swabbed a pole on a northbound Red Line
train.

(Via the Trib)

Also - Chiquita Weatherspoon? What a fantastic name.

Dr. Pixie du Toit

I don't know why this is so hilarious to me, but the name of the doctor in this article keeps cracking me up at random moments. Actually, don't click on the article, it's a sad story.

Just imagine me, on my bike, on the busy trail on Memorial Day Weekend, narrowly avoiding collisions with tourists in those big four-person bikes-with-a roof-and-fringe-on-top, inexplicably bursting out with giggles thinking about Dr. Pixie du Toit, and how she really should be a little glittery French tart, and not a forensic criminologist.

Did You Have a Nice Holiday Weekend? I Did.

(Will put video in here later.)

Hope you had as much holiday fun as I did over the past few days. Sunshine, fresh air, picnics, parties, beach time, people watching, biking, volleyball, splashing around in the lake (though it was COLD - notice my scream as I wade cautiously into the water), and more.


Here is a clip (2 minutes and 15 seconds) of the highlights of my Memorial Day weekend.

I'm still learning about filming and editing (just started last week, for all practical purposes), and I'm working with substandard equipment and software, but I'm having good time figuring things out. And eventually I'll get beyond dippy little experiments like this and start creating some really cool original stuff.

Wax Me, Baby

Yet more evidence that women are, in fact, tougher than men.

Via: VideoSift

Here I Go Kitaen (Surreal Life 6 Remix)

The perils of fame - are they not obvious? Tawny Kitaen has lost her mind. She yells at Florence Henderson, AKA Mom Brady, for goodness' sake!

Wait 'till the end of the clip when she says "You couldn't bring an elephant in here in a pink tutu...". It's a pretty good indication that she hasn't kicked the pharmaceutical demons that have dogged her in the recent past.

Belle De Jour is a Fake Whore, and You Can't Stay Anonymous Online Forever

No, that's not an inflammatory accusation (but it sure was fun to type!). Belle Du Jour is (allegedly) the online diary of a London call girl, although speculation has been flying that Belle may be one of several different writers, and not a prostitute at all.

If so, this is yet another example of the line between fiction and non-fiction being intentionally obscured. In any case, "Belle" managed to snag a book deal out of "her" blogging efforts, and this is partly because of the anonymity that blogging allows.

This brings up a very curious thing that seems to be happening to the concept of individual online identity as it takes new shape with evolving media and technology.

What happens to the possibility of anonymity when a blog becomes a video blog?

A traditional blog (text, links, and pictures) can be published and used by thousands of readers without offering a hint of the writer behind it. But a video blog requires a personal touch, a face in front of a camera, and it leaves little chance for a content producer to remain invisible behind their work.

With the addition of one single element - video - the next step in the evolution of online individual communication and expression removes the option for anonymity almost altogether. (Although of course it won't mean the end of hoaxes, scams, and general bullshittery online.)

On that note, I have finally posted a real picture of myself in my author photo here on my blog (and, because I'm so full of myself, at left as well). Yeah, that's me. I took that picture this morning. (And you thought I was kidding about not being able to live without sunblock.)

It's the first picture of myself I've ever put online, and it's in a post with the word "whore" in the title. That is some brilliant self-promotion.

Flintstones Sing the Praises of Winston Cigarettes

Fred and Barney light up. Ahhh....smooth and refreshing. Way to nudge your way into that lucrative 10-and-under market, Big Tobacco! Get 'em while they're young and impressionable.

Via: VideoSift

"Urban Gymnastics"

Once again, don't try this at home. Or anywhere. Unless you're this guy. Which you are not.

Via: VideoSift

I Stand Corrected - Girls Are Dirty, Too

Recently I speculated that growing up in a houseful of smart-alecky older brothers was probably perfect training for becoming a comedy writer, what with the familiarity with (if not shared fondness for) every dumb dirty joke ever told.

After last week's lunch with people from my Second City writing class, however, I realize that girls of the comedy persuasion are just as willing to discuss the undiscussable as the boys are. Last week's hangout after class had a three girl to one boy ratio, and the conversation was unimaginably dirty (and hilarious). Somehow, so much more is possible when the girls give the go-ahead for the speculatively filthy discussion. My mom would be so proud.

Also, unrelated to the prurient nature of our conversation, we saw actor David Pasquesi (pictured at left) at lunch. Pasquesi is best known to me as Stew the Meat Delivery Man from "Strangers with Candy." He is also now well known to me as "That Guy Who Should Be Cast As Adrien Brody's Brother."

MIT Students' Film About Computer Art in the Real World

What if you could use computer graphics programs in the real world? It would be awesome, that's what.

Via: VideoSift

Footage of British WWII Soldiers Testing LSD on the Battlefield

I do say, are those trees breathing? My word! I do believe I'm tripping off my bum! Shall I count blades of grass on this battlefield while the enemy runs unchecked through fields of psychotropic lollipops? Whee!

Via: VideoSift

Things I've Noticed: A Blogging Roundtable

I've been looking at a blog with a cool format: Things I've Noticed, in which a topic is introduced, and several roundtable bloggers carry on a sort of conversation.

The latest entry is about stand-up comedians:

Asian comedians focus on being Asian, gay ones focus on being gay, fat ones focus on being fat, and even though they're 50% of the population, too many women comediennes focus on being female... (relationship issues with men, PMS'ing, mothers'in-law).  I suppose there is pressure to make people laugh about your most obvious trait, but do they have to do it for the whole routine?  Comedy about being just another human is the most universal.
(Via Things I've Noticed)

He-Man Sings 4 Non-Blondes

I always knew that dude was talented, but whoa.

Via: VideoSift

Sunscream

I'm going through brand after brand of facial sunscreen, the point of which is to protect your skin, and prevent you from getting red, burny patches all over your face.

Unless you're me, and even extra-gentle super-purified hypo-allergenic sunscreen stings your face and gives you, yes -  red, burny patches all over your face. Oil of Olay? Stings like hell. Neutrogena? Hurts. Almay? OUCH RED BURN OUCH.

I can't do without. My Dad has a much darker complexion than I do but has had several pieces of bad skin seared off by a patient dermatologist because he's too stubborn to smear on the zinc. And my uber-blonde sister? Ditto. That's not gonna happen to me.

I used to rely on good old-fashioned Big Stupid Sunhats (TM) but those are no good while I'm biking, because I have to wear my dork helmet. Poor me. What to do?

"Urban Ninja"

This is so cool to watch, but likely spawns at least twenty emergency room visits for kids who agree it's cool to watch, and then decide they should try it themselves. Do I have to say this? "Don't try this at home, kids!"

Via: VideoSift

"(Tommy Hilfiger) Just Kept Smacking Me," Says Axl Rose

It seems like repeatedly smacking Axl Rose is the most appropriate reaction one could have upon realizing one is in his immediate vicinity. That Tommy Hilfiger, he is one bad ass tiny fashion designer.

The scuffle reportedly started after the Guns N' Roses front man moved the drink of Hilfiger's girlfriend, Dee Ocleppo.


"I moved his girlfriend's drink so it wouldn't spill," Rose told the Los Angeles radio station KROQ on Friday. "It was the most surreal thing, I think, that's ever happened to me in my life."

According to the 44-year-old singer, Hilfiger, 55, smacked him in the arm and told him to put the drink back.

"He just kept smacking me," Rose said.
(Via AP)

Title Frame of Every Major English-Language Movie in 2 Minutes

It's enough to make you want to cancel your subscription to Netflix. And make you sort of dizzy.

Via: VideoSift

The Picard Song

I could do with a little less of the pasty man-flesh, but the song...warms my nerdly heart.

Via: VideoSift

MAD TV Ecstasy Commercial

If we could get Big Ad behind street pharma, just imagine the possibilities.

Yesterday

Yesterday a friend was on a flight from NYC to Chicago with Wentworth Miller.

Sorry, I should use his full name so you know who I'm talking about. Wentworth "Hottie Hot Hot" Miller.

Also yesterday, I was interviewed on camera for another friend's project. I've never been on camera before. A few things I noticed while looking back at the raw footage:

#1. My face and neck get very pink when I am self-conscious. Very, very pink.

#2. I have a giant, shiny, white forehead. I should really think about cutting my long bangs back so no one is tempted to rent out my forehead as a billboard or movie screen.

#3. I giggle a lot when I'm nervous, causing much more work for the poor editor. Very professional.

#4. The giggling me is infinitely more interesting to watch than the serious, overthinking-the-answers me.

Trey Parker And Matt Stone On The Letterman Show 2006

In which they tell the story of how they met (again), talk about Isaac Hayes quitting after the Tom Cruise/Scientology episode, and Trey talks about the first time he used extreme humor to cause a ruckus. (He was in the sixth grade.)

Thank God For Birth Control

Watch 'til the end. If your ears can take it.

Lonely Island's "Glirk" Sketch

It's rather like the 1985 Dennis Quaid/Louis Gossett Jr. sci-fi movie "Enemy Mine," but with a lonely, hermaphrodite alien (Andy Samberg) who has the interstellar hots for Jorma Taccone. ("Oh, man. I am tipsy off this space wine. If somebody wanted to take advantage of me right now, they totally could.") Oh, those wacky Lonely Island boys.

Hell on Wheels

There's nothing like the irony of coming within a hairsbreadth of getting yourself smashed to bits, and then finding yourself offering comfort and reassurance to the person who nearly smashed you. Urban biking is not for the faint-hearted.

Extra Cute

Another winner from the Cute Overload blog.

Bella Rossa Poll - Should mice eat cupcakes? Yes. No. Perhaps. What? What kind of cupcake? What kind of mouse? What about the kitten? Will answering this give me a free cupcake?   View Results

It's Important To Read Past The Jump

One thing I like about my new blog home and host, Typepad, is the ability to make the extended summary posts, where I can write two or three sentences and spare the reader the rest unless they choose to click on the "continue reading (title)" link at the bottom of the post.

Yesterday's post was kind of a playful use of this feature. Namely, I tucked some important information in the hidden part of a post that looked like it was a boring exploration of a clothing issue.

Anyway, straight up, readers: this blog is evolving, and becoming something new. There will be fewer posts from yours truly here over the next month or so as I focus my time and energy on learning some new technology and entering an exciting new creative venture. When the time is right I will make a big horn-tooting announcement and provide a link to a new place where you can enjoy all the things you like about this blog, plus extra shiny and entertaining features. In the meantime, please forgive the lack of usual frequent posting. It will totally be worth it, honest to peas.

New Jeans and Other Things

A curious thing happened today. In the course of just a few hours, I suffered four jean-related mishaps.

A curious thing happened today. In the course of just a few hours, I suffered four jean-related mishaps.

A Week of Rain

It's going to be cold and rainy for the next week straight here in Chicago.

I'm annoyed because I'd love to be outside every day, biking or walking or otherwise soaking in the vitamin D, but maybe this will offer me a chance to focus on productive, indoor activities.

But still...a week of rain? Blargh.

Mirror Neurons - I Can Read Your Mind

What happens to you, happens to me.

Empathy allows us to feel the emotions of others, to identify and understand their feelings and motives and see things from their perspective. How we generate empathy remains a subject of intense debate in cognitive science.

Some scientists now believe they may have finally discovered its root. We're all essentially mind readers, they say.

David Cross Mocks Lying Author James Frey

David Cross writes the fake galleys of the next book from James Frey, whose authorial bullshit continues to unravel:

"I left the Harpo studios in Chicago in a state of shock. When I accepted Oprah's invitation to go back on her show and tell my side of the story, I didn't think that I would be treated so unfairly. I felt as if a couple of angry skate punks who "didn't like my attitude" ambushed me. It reminded me of the time I was ambushed by a bunch of angry skate punks who "didn't like my attitude". I had awoken from a nineteen-day bender to find myself floating face down in a canal in Amsterdam. I came to with a knife in my chest and a tattoo on my left nipple which mysteriously read: "100% Goth!!" I blurbled something in Arabic to a passing man on his bike and he was decent enough to stop and fish me out. After drying myself off, I raped him and stole his bike..."
(Via BobandDavid.com)

Top 20 Most Popular Science Myths

No, it doesn't take seven years for your digestive system to break down a piece of bubble gum.

You use well more than 10% of your brain (well, I do, at least).

No word on whether eating an apple core will make a tree sprout in your tummy, though.

Legless Man, Deaf Man Have Physical Altercation

Of course this happened in Indiana.

We're Running Out of Internet

What with all the high-volume porn traffic and spam, we're using up the internet. The current version (IPv4) needs upgrades. Save your pennies:

What will it cost government and companies to upgrade from IPv4 to
IPv6? The NIST/RTI study estimates $25.4 billion between 1997 and 2025.
About $1.4 billion of the burden remains on infrastructure vendors,
$23.3 billion for users, $593 million for application suppliers, $136
million for Internet service providers. Masud questions if they
factored in operations costs for ISPs.
(Via Wired)

Ugliest, Scariest Animals on Earth

Geez! Who would have thought that a mere fish mouth (monkfish) could give you such a shudder? This list also stars ugly favorites like the warthog, the Hawaiian hoary bat, and the Matamata turtle.

4000 Women Breastfeed Simultaneously

If you're into math, yes, that's 8000 boobs.

Manila Mayor Lito Atienza, whose city is one of the event's organizers,
said 3,738 mothers simultaneously breast-fed their babies for at least
one minute, breaking the Guinness World Record.
(Via AP)

You Might Be a Nerd

As a public service to you, my readers, I offer a simple test. It can tell you if you might, in fact, have come by your geekiness by both nature and nurture.

If recent conversations among you and your siblings (and such) have included any two of the following sentences, you are a bit on the geeky side of things.

1. "Quit hogging all the bandwidth!"

2. "What's a mammal that's slightly more complex than a gerbil?"

3. "Oh, nothing. I'm just reconfiguring my kernel parameters and having some beer."

Today's Top Headline Jumble Game

Fresh from today's headlines!

"Actress Tori Spelling Wins Derby in a Gallop"

"Tom, Katie Kill 3 in Florida"

"Keith Richards pregnant? None of your business"

"Randy Quaid named Playmate of the Year"

Scream Therapy

Recently my friend M. and I enjoyed a fantastically beautiful Chicago spring afternoon, first walking along the beach barefoot, then sitting on a rock pier with our feet dangling up over the water, talking and daydreaming and laughing.

We walked among the fluffy pink blossoming trees in the park and crossed paths with a young couple and their curly-haired little girl, who was walking ahead of them and
intermittantly screaming joyfully. The parents ineffectually shushed their daughter and gave us a "sorry she's being so loud" face. We smiled.

M. said, "Remember how great it was to be able to scream like that for
no reason at all? I wish I could do that at work." She did a mock
scream, with exasperated foot-stomping. "It would be such a healthy
stress release."

I
said, "Yeah, and when she did it, it was so clearly just a gleeful, exhuberant, noise-making thing. It's FUN!" I threw my arms around like a
wildly un-self-conscious toddler.



"And it's SCREAMY!" M. flailed some more.



"Let's do it right now! Over there, by the water!"



We ran to the flat rock pier and sat down. We waited for a lady walking by to pass.



"Let's not freak people out."



"Yeah, we don't want a horde of people running toward us when we scream."



We counted to three. We screamed together. We leaned back in the grass and laughed.



"That was nice. But we need to do one more."



We discussed our relative definitions of "yelling" versus "screaming."
I insisted that a real, good, full-on scream is high-pitched and
blood-curdling. "Like when you're really startled, or fear bodily harm.
A real, primal distress call. A totally deep breath this time, and
scream all of your breath out."



Deep breaths. One, two, three.



We screamed long and loud and high, finishing with hysterical laughter.



"Oh, my god!"



"That was awesome!"



"I feel amazing!"



We looked up and down the pier, up and down the beach. There were people everywhere. Nobody made a move toward us in the least.

Urban Raccoons Are Bad-Ass, Therefore I'm Gonna Make It, After All

Recent story in the Tribune: Urban raccoon lives on top of 43-story Chicago building. 

This reminds me of something I've been meaning to write about:

I was working as a production assistant at a gig downtown a few weeks ago when I had a
close encounter with an unmistakably well-adapted urban raccoon.

One morning, I was on an urgent "only you can complete this integral task,
Bella!" mission. Yes, I was walking toward Roosevelt to the
Dunkin' Donuts to pick up coffee for people whose jobs were more
important than mine. People who were taping down rugs, dusting
furniture, and warming up quiches. It was a beautiful, sunny morning.

Only a few blocks from a very busy Chicago intersection, I walked past
a storage facility and gasped loudly when a scurrying mammal entered my
peripheral vision. Before I looked directly at it, my mind registered
it as a small dog, except it didn't move like a dog.

We made eye contact. It was a really large raccoon. The immediately
unnerving thing was the disparity between my startled reaction and its
utterly cool reception to my presence. My first panicky instinct was
"Oh my god, step back so it can walk away from you, don't corner it and
scare it, it might attack you."

Rocky's first reaction to me was "What a dumb-looking, utterly
non-threatening pink mammal. Clearly it represents less threat to me than
anything else in my immediate environment." Having so assessed me, the raccoon immediately tuned me out, and probably never gave thought to
me again.

I stood there silently, invisibly, as I watched the creature cautiously
approach the street. He stood behind the protective wheel of a parked car, watching the traffic very
closely. He was clearly making frequency and speed calculations. Each time a car went by, Rocky cringed
slightly, his muscles reacting unconsciously as his mind counted the
obstacles to his desired destination. He waited just a bit until there was a
lull in traffic, and then, swinging his head back and forth to scan for potential dangers, scuttled across the road and disappeared into
a warehouse.

I really stood there stunned for awhile. Raccoons are timid and quick where I am from. But here they are watchful and cunning and adapt enough to a faster, more dangerous environment to survive, and perhaps thrive.

These animals in Chicago live only three hours away from the kind I'm used to, and they operate on a totally different set of rules and strategies.

Maybe I can evolve, too.

Bad Behavior, the Bobby Knight Edition

Bobby Knight. This video is a strong indication that he is exactly the kind of dumb jerk I always thought he was. Not even a charismatic "put up with him because he's a brilliant and/or talented ass," just a garden variety egotistical dullard who can't control his rage. Also, a shitty golfer.

(Note to a large percentage of my family: "Go IU!")

Bad Behavior, the Madonna Edition

Perhaps Kaballah has not taught Madonna the patience she needs to put up with the stupidity and bumbling of us mere mortals. It certainly hasn't taught her that she sounds phony talking in anything other than her own accent. Here's a video of her going off on an interview crew in a terrifically haughty manner befitting a Duchess.

Does Tom Cruise Have a Movie in Theatres?

What with all the fake baby stuff, Scientology weirdness, leaping from jets into sportscars onto fire engines roaring down New York streets paved with testosterone in order to rescue busfuls of burning nuns and orphans, I'd forgotten Tom Cruise had an actual movie coming out. (Does he look like a middle-aged lesbian in that picture? I'm not saying he does, I'm just saying...)

Stephanie Zacharek says in her review: "Cruise squints, blinks and bucks. The scene is all about suffering --
his, not hers -- and later, as he clutches the corpse of a fallen agent
to his manly pectorals, the camera lingers on the held-back tears in
his eyes. Cruise is so busy squeezing out his hard little nuggets of
feeling that he's incapable of letting anything in. Signal sent!
Objective achieved! If there are other actors in the scene, Cruise
hasn't noticed them. No one's going to sink his battleship."
(Via Salon)

Rosie vs. Star - Rumble on the View

It's going to be very interesting when Rosie O'Donnell starts co-hosting on "The View," a show hardly worth watching unless there's tension among the co-hosts. Rosie is already trash talking Star Jones, her soon-to-be co-host. It's enough to make me wish I was unemployed again so I could stay at home and watch the sparks fly.

(Bonus link: Rosie's contract prohibits her from cutting her hair short - someone at ABC is trying to prevent another "angry lesbian with a Flock of Seagulls haircut" incident.)

"
Here's what annoys me about Star Jones," says Rosie O'Donnell...

"To write a book about how to be the
perfect woman that she now is, and to leave out gastric bypass and the
supposed gender-identity issues of your husband, it's just like selling
bulls— to the point that it's sickening."
...
"And she pushed
away a plate of Oreos with Joy [Behar, her co-host on "The View"]. They
had new Double Stuf Oreos they had to eat, obviously, because they had
a Nabisco deal at ABC, and Star goes, 'I'll just have one, because I
have self-control.' And I thought, Joy's gonna say it. She's gonna say,
'You lying sack of s—, you can only eat one because you poop soup!'"

(Via New York Daily News)

Man Dies When Hole Appears in Kitchen Floor

Feeling morbid? Want to drive yourself nuts thinking about all the ways you might die? Here's a new one: falling into a sinkhole that suddenly opens in your home, and dying before rescuers can reach you. It's a little bit "Donnie Darko," a little bit "Poltergeist."

A 27-year-old man plummeted into a gaping hole that suddenly opened beneath a house, trapping him beneath foundation rubble and killing him.

Authorities say the home, built in the 1980s, may have been sitting atop a decades-old underground mine. Recent rains could have softened the ground under the home, in an isolated area near Lake Alta.

"It's unbelievable," Placer County Sheriff's Department spokeswoman Dena Erwin said. "From the front of the house, it's absolutely normal. Then, in the middle of the house, is this enormous hole."
(Via CNN)

Annie Barrett on "How Opal Mehta Got Herself Into Some Deep Sh*t"

Writer Annie Barrett (at left), she of the delightful and disturbing Raspberry Danish Challenge, has a few choice words about recently disgraced Harvard sophomore novelist (and big-time plagiarist) Kaavya Viswanathan, who has been discovered to have cut-and-pasted liberally from both Sophie Kinsella and Megan McCafferty to fill out a book she was paid half a million dollars for. (Yeah, half a million dollars.)

Says Annie (look, Kaavya, proper crediting!): "Aren't writers supposed to just... um, write? Why couldn't she just write the book? I seriously don't get it...I saw Katie
Couric interview this girl a few weeks ago on The Today Show, before
any of the cheating stuff broke...The only thing I remember is glancing
up at the screen in horrifying recognition of something very clear:
'This girl's an idiot!' I said out loud to my TV. It wasn't in a mean
or dismissive or jealous tone, except for maybe that last one. More
like crestfallen. Like 'Oh, that's really too bad.' I was mostly just
disappointed -- that what was obviously a shallow book would become a
hit, something the herds would race to buy, plow through, and discuss
at book club weeks or months later... and all because a teenager with
shiny hair and a fun, ethnic but not too ethnic accent happened to
'write' it."

Another big question is, in this day and age, when you can get busted for stealing from people's blogs,
when giant text searches can be done with incredible accuracy and
speed, when you know that things you write in a few minutes will hang
around indefinitely for later scrutiny, why do people think they can
get away with stealing people's writing in the first place?

Kaavya (at left) gave an interview where she said: "I'm
actually terrified about the writing process this time around. What if
I find out I have nothing to say? What if I can't write? I just wish I
could just move forward to the time when the sequel would be written
and I could go around promoting it. I enjoy that part."
(Via the Hindu)

Man Smuggles Pork in Diaper

I love this headline for the words alone.

Sassy Acorn

Sassy Acorn. She is an actress. Hire her for her name alone.

Squirrel Rescue

Squirrel Rescue is making me feel bad about the time I smeared Crisco all over a housesitting client's birdfeeder stand to keep the dang squirrels out of the sunflower seeds. You should have seen the desperate little claw marks all over the grease.

I wouldn't have cared so much, but my clients had a live feeder cam filming directly onto their corporate internet site, and it would have been totally obvious if I'd let the feeders get low. (Their current feeder cam is in a different place than the one I took care of.)

From "How To Trim a Squirrel's Teeth":

Wrap the squirrel up like a squirrel burrito. This will protect you from scratches and bites and the squirrel from moving during the procedure causing damage to himself. Be sure to have his legs restrained so he cannot wriggle free. Also make sure to cover his eyes as this will reduce stress and keep him more still.
(Via Squirrel Rescue)

Celebrity Jerks, the Sheen/Baldwin Edition

I've always assumed Charlie Sheen was a smarmy, pervy, nasty creep. He loved those cheerleader-whores of Heidi Fleiss' an awful lot. So it's no surprise that the Smoking Gun is reporting that he's left his soon-to-be-former-wife Denise Richards such charming voicemails as this one:

"You're a f*cking liar and you know what it's like...f*ck you. Okay, I hope you rot in f*cking hell. You're a piece of sh*t f*cking liar and I hope you rot in hell. So f*ck you. I hope I never talk to you again you f*cking c*nt. F*ck you. So you're a coward and a liar and a f*cking n*gger so f*ck you."

She's a "f*cking n*gger?" What the hell is wrong with Charlie Sheen?
Oh yeah, that's right, DECADES of cocaine and prostitutes. And enabling
yes-men and a pampered Hollywood lifestyle that holds him accountable
for nothing. What a loser-ass moron.

But Alec Baldwin? Wherefore art thou, "Hunt For Red October" era, cute
and clever, pre-bloat and rage, pre-horrible-breakup-with-Kim-Basinger,
pre-evolution-into-current-state-of-bloviation Alec Baldwin? Oh yeah,
that's right, GONE.

Today's Alec Baldwin has "put
his fist through a wall during an argument about onstage
air-conditioning and was 'throwing things around with all of us
cowering'...the actor created an 'unhealthy and oppressive situation
onstage and off'."
(Via contactmusic)

Oh well, at least he wasn't busted for cokey shenanagans in an anonymous hotel room like his brother Daniel.